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Something else

No its not writer's block Its something else Just wondering why am I not writing much these days!

Monday, July 29, 2013

Secrets and Sins

At times one could so much relate to a verse or few lines or an sketch or an sculpture.

As I went still when I happened to read this..

"He was larger than life, the close up zooming in on his face causing his sleepy brown eyes to look directly into hers as he smiled into the camera. His hair was still black and shiny, exactly as she remembered it from back then. How many years ago was it? Every so often, she counted.... ten.....eleven....always surprised that the yearning hadn't gone away....."

Secrets and Sins.

Jaishree Misra.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Confrontation..... just one dance

A warm night it was, as restless as her heart.

She was standing on the terrace, there was a quietness prevailing all around her, everybody in their bedrooms fast asleep, except Mawra. Suddenly she had an urge to have caffeine. Her veins needed a rush of blood instead of this smooth flow or may be she needed a divergence. The books and music were no more helping her tonight.

Back in her room, seeing her reflection in the mirror, she decided to tie her hair in a loose knot, her light blue pajamas were decent enough, she simply draped a stole around her shoulders and went downstairs to the kitchen.

While mixing the coffee she put two mugs on the marble counter. Remembering the weekend night when she was watching a movie and on Daniel's return from Lahore, she was preparing coffee for them both.  But even then they could not have coffee together.

When brought her coffee mug with her in the lawn, there was a sacred silence  which she needed at that moment. At times we need to spend time with ourselves, we need to speak  and listen to our own feelings. Darkness, loneliness and quietness make a decent trio. They launch you inner self out and let you face your own conflicts. You may confront your soul or you may find a way out.

She was sitting on a white lawn swing while having coffee. It was dark, thick and bitter than usual. She needed to alter her taste tonight. May be she needed to alter her thoughts too.

It was many days since she had lost her regular sleep cycle. She had become a night bird, staying up for no reason. And this was effecting her studies adversely. She had lost her appetite, her weight and her natural skin glow. She had lost her charming self too, had grown more quite and secluded.

Was there any reason for all of it? Yes she was sure there was. She was in love. truly, madly, deeply.

There was no resemblance between the two. They were from two different worlds. But did it matter? Nothing matters to Mawra Suhail now, she was at a stage of feelings where nothing matter much. She was sure she was alone in her deep feelings towards him, he would never reciprocate in the same manner, there may be affection , kindness or care, but the reason would never be the same for Daniel Malik. And may be he would never even know her side of story as she had no intention of telling him. Her feelings were so precious to herself, she would never like anybody to make them feel retarded or absurd.

"Mawra, is that You? "

Her thoughts were interrupted by the gentle voice of her father.

"Ji Baba"

"Why up so late? Everything alright?" he came to sit beside her on the swing and put one arm around her shoulders.

His voice was so gentle, for an instant she felt like sharing everything with him.

"No particular reason Baba, just wanted to have coffee. Should I make you some coffee too?"

"In this summer night, no way. You may have altered taste, I don't." he smiled gently.

"Is there something worrying You sweetheart? " he said.

"What gave you that impression?"

"Well, many things, It seems you are going through a transitional phase of your life, as if you are growing up or rather growing mature. It isn't bad to spend time with yourself, but its bad losing your cheery self. I miss my Mawra who was chuckling, giggling  and talking all the time. I miss her laughter in my home. I want may daughter back, bring her back to me , will You please? "

Mawra was speechless, she had nothing to say. It was all true, there was nothing to deny. She just nodded with a half hearted smile. And was surprised to know, his dad was such an observer.

"You can share yourself with anyone you feel at ease with. We are not just your parents, we are your friends too, remember? Don't You ever feel alone my little girl. "

He was giving her another dose of  surprise. How could he reach to something she had only kept to herself.

He brought her back inside and put her to bed like a baby.

She had tears in her eyes when she finally dozed off.





Thursday, July 25, 2013

Dancing..... Just one dance

She began dancing on a serious note.

Wearing a long , flowing ankle length red dress with black churidaar pajama, her long hair gathered in a french braid, moving in flow with the rhythm of her body. It was an Indian semi classic ghazal with sitar and tabla in the background, being played for her to perform.

Her feet were lighter than air, her body was flexible beyond words, her arms swayed with waves of music, her neck being more provocative, her eyes moved as a professional, her expressions heartfelt.

There was no sound but music, there was not even a whisper among the crowd, they were intently watching her every move, succumbing to the ambiance created by her beautiful proceedings., they were undoubtedly mesmerized.

She looked unexpectedly stunning, even to those who used to meet her every day. As if this natural flow of dance was in born to her, as if she was expressing herself through this medium.

They woke up when the song ended. And then there was a sudden burst of astonishing comments , loud clapping and rounds of applause.

Mawra Suhail has stunned them all.

Her best friend Sila's elder sister was getting married. Sila  invited all her friends and cousins to her home almost two weeks before the wedding day.  There gonna be full blown mehndi and mayun functions where all the girls were to perform dances . All the girls except Mawra.

Since it was an all girls gathering, Mawra had taken off her headscarf. Sila did not ask her to join them in dancing, since she was quite religious. She had already assumed that a girl who does not uncover her head infront of non mehrams, would surely not dance in public. They were deciding songs and practicing steps when at one point, Mawra suggested them to replace a dance move with another. She even performed the dance move which was quite suitable to the music. Sila was extremely surprised to see Mawra dancing so well.

Mawra was all smiles and mischeivous, telling her this was her secret talent that not many people knew. And on public demand she performed on a semiclassic ghazal with sitar and tabla in the backdrop, which stunned everyone. She was a pro.

They asked her to perform in one of the functions, she politely denied.

"If only dancing was not prohibited in my religion." She replied smilingly.

Dancing was Mawra Suhail's secret passion.











Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Connection.... Just one dance

"Assalamo Alaykum Ya Akhi"

After fajr prayers, he was sitting in the mosque courtyard at his usual place under the towering umbrella, when he heard someone greet him. He was one of the khadims of the Haram.

The team of servants who is reponsible for taking care of the cleanliness of premises of the Holy mosque are known as khadims. They are categorized into various groups and shifts according to their assigned duties. He was one of them. And since in his white arabic gown , slightly grown beard and his european physique , many people who met Daniel in Madinah, considered him  an Arab.

Daniel returned his greetings. The khadim sat beside him on the marbled floor. Daniel turned to him and saw his bright eyes, he was smiling very gently at him. He was an average heighted, south asian man, wearing the green colored uniform of the Haram Shareef's khuddams, he had a knitted white net cap covering his head.

"I watch you every day sitting here in the courtyard, even at times when there is not much rush inside the masjid, why dont you try to pray inside?"

Daniel was surprised. he did not know, someone in this far land, where he has no contacts, someone might have been observing him.

"I haven't been inside the mosque yet, though I am in Madinah since one week." He felt naive at explaining his feelings to an stranger.

"This is surprising. People come to this city to pay salams and blessings to the Prophet, to offer Salah and pary in Riyazul Jannah. Why you did not make such an effort?" For a khadim from south asian origin, his english was quite fluent.

"I feel I am not being called inside, I feel I am not being accepted.here." Daniel was suddenly feeling at ease with this stranger.

The khadim smiled." Do You think You are visiting Madinah uninvited? The two Harams in Makkah and Medina are the houses belonging to Allah SWT and His Prophet Muhammad SAW. No one dares to be a pilgrim of these two Holy cities univited. When you are in Madinah , be assured You were being called here, by Allah SWT and His Prophet Muhammad SAW."

"But then why am I so restless, why was I being called when all my life, I did nothing but sins? I had the weakest faith if any a muslim could have, I never followed a single religious instruction , never prayed, never fasted. There was not any sin I haven't indulged in. With this kind of history, how can I dare to enter this Holy place, I feel filthy and dirty, I feel I dont deserve to be here and if ever I try to enter the Masjid, my Prophet will not accept me in his Ummah."

He had tears in his eyes, a few rolling down his cheeks. For one full week, he was feeling frustrated and lonely, now he had a listener and he opened his heart out to him.

"My dear brother, do you think, you are the only one here with such feelings? No.  let me assure You each one of us feels the same. As soon as we reach to the boundries of Haram, the whole life is being rewinded for us, we feel sinful and ashamed for not following the Quran and Sunnah the way we are expected to. Is there any one who is free of sins? No. that is inhuman. Why in Quran then Allah says, I love my servant who makes sin , then realize, and come back to me asking forgiveness. He is the one most dear to me. So at this stage, when you are being called here in Prophet's city, and you are feeling guilty of your past life, and when heart is feeling a tenderness that is making you weep, this is the time ya akhi to ask forgiveness. And tobah can cure everything, washes every guilt, every sin away. Ask forgiveness with the faith that you will be forgiven, as this is the only reason you were being called here, to be purified."

Daniel was hearing him , and his heart was flowing in a stream that was led by his mind in the path following the recent past.

He had heard her saying these words many times, but he always silently denied her and even made fun of her blind faith. How mature she was, and how blind he had been.

His tears were coming in streams now, Daniel Malik was crying. Infront of this crowd from every corner and continent of the world, he was weeping without an embarassment, for this was the place where one has to have a direct connection between the Creator, His Prophet and himself. Where there was love and no fear, where there was belonging and no guilt. Where there was forgiveness and no blame.

He could not realize when the khadim left him weeping on his own and when he was down on his knees with his forhead on the floor in sajda, making a connection that had been badly missing.











Monday, July 22, 2013

Trauma...... just one dance

"Buenos días amiga", on receiving the call one morning, she heard him saying.

It was a sunny morning and she was on way to university when she saw an international number blinking on her screen. Se recognized the code but did not recognize the number. But then she didn't know many people in Spain, so it had to be him. But this early in morning? it must be seven AM in Madrid, she thought.

"What are you upto? I hope I did not disturb you at this early hour." He said gently.

"I am on my way to university. I have an exam in afternoon"

"Oh, best of luck. I am sure you are well prepared for your exam amiga, I called you because I need a small favour, I need to contact Suhail, his cell is off and he is not in office, is there any other way to get to him, this is some urgent work." he sounds slightly anxious.

"Dad is in Islamabad, I wonder why his cell is off, he must be in a meeting, but I know which hotel he is having his meeting in, ill leave a message for him there and he can get back to You."

"That will be good, just tell him its urgent and to contact me on my cell as I am not in my office at the moment."

With that he was gone and she was busy tracing and leaving a message for her Dad in Islamabad.

Though she knew he was not calling for her , just hearing his voice made her day, he always sounded so gentle, his voice had a smoothness that was rarely found, or at least that is how he sounded to Mawra, gentle, caring, refreshing.
 Thinking what important work he may have with her Dad, she almost forgot she was having an exam in next couple of hours, until she reached university and was surrounded by her group mates, and they were busy discussing and revising the expected exam questions.

It was when they were almost half way through their exam , Mawra was shattered by the tormenting and horrific sound of a blast. She was seated by the window and suddenly the window glass exploded into tiny fragments and disseminated in every direction.

She felt sharp piercing pain, penetrating into tiny nerve endings of her skin, specially in her left arm. a few pieces also injured her left sided neck and forehead, miraculously her eyes and rest of the face was saved.

There was havoc everywhere, down on the knees , every student was being asked to take shelter under their benches. Mawra was losing her senses gradually, she was bleeding from where the broken glass pieces were tearing her skin, she was scared of what to come next, she was frightened of death, she was wondering if she will see her family again.

Suddenly, she saw people running in every direction, they could not keep calm, there was a huge bomb blast in the main university campus and there was extreme confusion and frustration among students. Mawra could not find enough energy to move on, her friends Sila and Saba were nowhere to be seen, and she felt as if she was about to faint.

And then she heard Sila coming towards her, she was on phone, probably calling home . But when she saw Mawra injured badly, she almost shouted and took her in her arms.

"Oh my God, Oh my God, Hasan bhai, please come to the class room, my friend is badly injured, we need to take her to hospital" she was almost shouting on phone, her home was very close to university and her brother was already on his way to the campus.

When she woke up , she was draped in white sheets with white walls around her, her left arm was wrapped in bandage, her neck and forehead wounds were properly covered, she could not remember how was she transferred here, all she knew Sila was by her side when she was fainting.

Her family also reached hospital by then and they were all thankful to Sila and her brother, who did not let the ambulance service take her to a government hospital, instead bring her on their own to this well known private set up hospital.

"Its alright aunty, I did what I had to, I feel so bad seeing Mawra injured so badly, And I knew uncle is in Islamabad , that's why I asked hasan bhai to come and help us, I did not want you to come to university, it was all so scary." Sila was explaining to Mawra's mom, who hugged her and gave her and her brother many blessings.

Mawra's dad was already on his way back to Karachi on first available flight, she was his only daughter and he was shattered by the news.

Quite late in evening . they were back home, after being discharged from hospital. Her injuries had stopped bleeding after being stitched.

She was comfortably put to her bed and sent her mom and dad both back to their room , as they insisted on staying the night with her. She knew they were exhausted and needed rest, besides she was felling much better than being in a hospital room.

It was her cell phone which vibrated and drew her out of her deep sleep, there was no sound, just vibration, since in the exam hall, her cell was set on silent mode. Still she woke up, as if subconsciously she was waiting for this call.

Instantly she knew who was calling. Probably in her sleep, she was wishing he would call her, she was not sure if he knew what she had been through, but deep down her heart she wanted to hear his comforting voice.

It was Daniel. She didn't know wishes could come true like that.

"How was your exam Senorina? " this was the first question. So he was calling to ask about her exam!

"There culdn't be an exam", when she spoke her voice sounded very weak even to herself, it was enough to alarm him.

"Why, is everything alright, something went wrong?" he was anxious now.

"Yes, there was a bomb blast at the campus and it was so bad. " she started sobbing and told him briefly

"Oh my God, how are you feeling now, does Suhail know about all this? why did not you guys call me?" He sounded agitated.

"Dad came back in evening and he brought us home from hospital, he is sleeping now. I am much better please do not worry"

"Do not worry? Are you mad? You guys are living in jungle, ill speak to Suhail in morning, he should move his family to Madrid, You people are not secure there at all."

She could not say much, she was already very drowsy, all she could hear and understand was , Daniel Malik was worried about her, and that was the best thought she could sleep on.

So she slept, with her cell phone by her ear.




Friday, July 19, 2013

Dream ..... Just one dance.

He was in the Flower street. Geranium flowers were hanging through the pots that stuck through the wall of this narrow street. And then at the end, where the street took a blind turn, it widened into a more wider patio.

It was early morning, very early indeed, the sun was still hiding somewhere behind the darkness of night.
He was walking aimlessly, when he saw someone sitting on the top of a flight of stairs. The stairs were enclosed at the extreme top by a black grill. What that person was doing in this very secluded corner at this hour of night-morning junction, was definitely not his concern. He could have easily ignored and passed through but there was something unusual which made him stopped. It was a sob.

And then there were continuous sobs.

He stopped at the bottom of that walled off staircase. and looked up.

It was a lady with her long hair all around her, they almost hid her face. Her head resting on her bent knees. She was wearing a white dress which was concealing her skin too well. All he wanted to extend a helping hand to her. She was weeping surely.

He was thinking of saying something, when suddenly she raised her head.

And he felt his heart missing a beat. Those wet and swollen eyes were so familiar. He had seen those eyes before. But they were speaking a different language today, he could not fathom why he was so blind. or was he blind now?

It did not take much longer when he recognized the face with cheeks streaked with tears. She was Mawra Suhail.

"Mawra, What are you doing here? ", All he could say were these words, though he was not sure what 'here' meant. He was himself unaware of this location, this patio, this flight of stairs.

Suddenly she stood up and then he realized it was a full length white gown with long flowing sleeves, covering her from neck to toes. She was standing  like a marble sculpture, most elegantly carved.

And then she began to descend.gracefully, holding her gown as if a born princess would have done.

And as she was getting closer to where he was , she started taking quickening steps, he kept watching like a statue himself, was it her elegance or her charisma that had made him still?

And then before he could realize, she began running, running away from him. In a frenzy of fear he tried to grasp her hand, but could only touch her fingers.

He was after her with the difference of a few seconds.

But she was too fast to catch, over the turn of this patio into that narrow Flower street, she was lost.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He was sitting by the pool in his house, it was a midsummer night, with the crescent moon sending its reflection in  the crystal blue water of the pool. Holding his head in both his hands , he was in deep thoughts, he was in misery, he was in pain.

There was no one he could share his agony with, suddenly he felt the urge to drink wine. Alcohol could do something to relax his severing nerves.

But then he realized, he can not drink anymore. While in Madinah, he promised himself that he will not touch alcohol ever.

And then he saw her. As if along with its reflection, the moon has sent her to earth.

She was clad in a full length white gown, with flowing full length sleeves, from neck to her toes covering her skin too well. But her long hair was open, creating a stark contrast to her brilliant white dress. She was standing there like a marble sculpture , most elegantly carved.

And then she began walking towards him, slowly and swiftly, he could not see if she was wearing shoes, but she walked as if she was walking over clouds.

His eyes began to grow painful. He was in agony and could not even tell her. He did not want to tell her anything.  And what she was doing here in this late night hour in his home, he was unable to understand.

She was coming closer and he wanted to run away.

She was at a distance of a few feet from him when he noticed a pair of pearl drops in her ears, she wore no makeup but a thick layer of kohl in her eyes, which was so Mawra. She never wore makeup, She did not need one. She was already perfect.

But there was something so unique in her eyes tonight. These were not the eyes of Mawra , he had known all his life. It was not an innocent, happy go lucky teenager Mawra Suhail. These were the eyes of a woman, a woman in love, emitting love, emitting passion.

She was looking like a passionate woman tonight and this scared him.

Daniel Malik was scared.

He wanted her to get lost. She was the reason of his agony and pain.

"Why are you here, did you want to see me in pain? does that make you happy? If you can not do anything to relieve me of this pain, do not increase it, leave me alone!"  suddenly he shouted at her.

But he missed that one tear at the far corner of her left eye.

"Pain and agony? Do You think You are alone? what you are suffering now Daniel, has drained me out for last two years. And I know I will endure it through all my life",she said with a saddened smile, but when she smiled, a single tear rolled down her left cheek.

Suddenly, Daniel began to perspire.

And then he heard some sound. It was the voice of Azaan.

He opened his eyes to find himself in bed. So it was a dream. But this azaan in Madrid?

It took him few minutes to get up and open his bedroom window, the azaan became more louder, it stirred through his soul. It was an azaan for tahajjud prayers.

Right infront of his window, he could see the graceful green dome of the Prophet's mosque.

He was in Madinah.

And he had been dreaming!










Thursday, July 18, 2013

Misleading

Life would have been simpler if I was not. what I am today.
It may be a blessing being different, it could be a curse too.
Looking beyond the obvious, feeling beyond the norm, doing beyond the ordinary, can lead to misleading.
You may miss the path,
You ma begin to wander.
You may become diverted,
You may lose faith.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

khushnuma hawaloN maiN

khusnuma hawaloN maiN
khoob roo khayaloN maiN
mustaqil kitaboN maiN
un kahay sawaloN maiN
ghan gharaj mizajoN maiN
gum sum nigahoN maiN
teirgi ki chaloN maiN
roshni kay jaaloN maiN
lab sili du'oN maiN
raat ki namazoN main
ek gumaN kay baad jesay
ek yaqeeN dar aya hay
rah e tamanna main
tum ko jub say paya hay.




Sunday, July 14, 2013

Surrender.

And it does not happen everyday.

It happens in many years, and at times it happens once in a lifetime.

When we come across Someone, we could not happen to have known in our life otherwise, not by any means.
And then one by one, slowly and unintentionally the paths begin to cross.

We may ignore once, may be twice but then when it happens frequently, we have to sit back and think , it was meant to be this way.

We eventually have to give in, stop resistance, surrender.

That's the only way it has to be.

And then at one point in time, we may realize, we have found what we were looking for.

The search finished, the destiny accomplished.

We are done with.

That is how it feels, but it doe not happen ever day.

may be in years, may be just once in a lifetime!

Saturday, July 13, 2013

The Trio..... Just one dance.

The trio gathered for a session of combined group study.

Their semester finals were getting closer and so they decided to gather at Mawra's place. Among the three , Sila was an old friend to Mawra however Saba had met them in university, though she was a new friend but they were going smooth being friends.

In Mawra's bedroom there were books and note books, piles of papers and three laptops, and they all were busy, less in studies, more in gossiping.

"You look so different without a headscarf Mawra", said Saba, she was seeing her hair for the very first time.

"Different? Do I look good or bad, different is a controversial word Madam" She replied smilingly

"Good" Saba answered with a single word.

"Oh and I thought I look good with a head scarf" making a sad face, said Mawra.

"You look good with a headscarf, You are beautiful without it, I just love, love , love your hair!"

"Oh you are trying to make me blush with embarrassment, but I shall not as I already know this fact." she winked.

Their mutual laughter was natural.

"oh oh , whoever it is who told you, you are beautiful? " Sila added

"Am I suppose to tell you all my secrets? " Mawra replied teasingly.

"Surely, what are friends for?" Saba and Sila said simultaneously, and then there was another round of laughter.


The sitting went on, they had their evening tea and snacks in the same room while planning to organize more such combined study programmes. It was when Mawra got up to offer Asr prayers and they both did not, She asked Saba and Sila to offer Salah too.

"I think ill get up for maghrib prayers, don't worry" , Saba said smilingly but Mawra could not stop herself from commenting. "A namaz missed is missed, time will not return my dear friend."

"Not everyone can be as religious as You Mawra" , though Sila was her oldest friend, but they differed in this aspect.

"Trust me, its not difficult, once you start practicing" , she said softly and went to make ablution.

When mawra returned, they both were watching another friends pictures on facebook and the non stop commentary was going on.

Mawra joined in smilingly.

"Who's that hunk?" She asked when a she saw one of the pictures.

"handsome, no?" Sila asked

"He is OK, not handsome", Mawra said

"Goodness, I thought he is at the peak of handsomeness!! " Saba exclaimed.

"Then you haven't seen many handsome guys in you life" sticking out her tongue, Mawra teased her.

"Ok, so let me see you definition of a handsome guy." Saba was being serious.

"I know I know who you are talking about Mawra", Saba was smiling and referencing to a previous incident.

Mawra quietly smiled and was looking for a particular picture folder.

And then she found it. It was one of the most memorable evening in her life, when her family went to Do Darya, at that beautiful beach side restaurant, with Daniel Malik.
It was his last day of stay in Karachi and in morning he had to flew back to Madrid.
She was angry with him at certain matter and he was standing beside her near that railing looking down at the sea waves.they were still speaking when Imad asked them both to look back and clicked a picture.

"Oh my God, Who are you with Mawra?", Saba exclaimed.

"My dad's cousin."

"Wow, is he single and  available?" She asked wickedly

"Single yes, available not sure" She smiled.

"He is gorgeous"

"See I told you You haven't seen many handsome men yet"

"He doesn't seem to look Pakstani."

"He s mixed breed, a Pakstani dad, and a Spanish mom."

"Just check out if he is available, You too look great together Mawra" Sila concluded on a serious note.

Mawra could not reply. She smiled but there was a sadness in her eyes, no one could fathom.














Friday, July 12, 2013

dwellings

When whispers become voice
and voice sounds like whispers
Then feelings begin to dwell
Then quietness begins to speak

Thursday, July 11, 2013

The Moon and You

Though I did not see yet
The moon must have been in sky tonight
As I could not see you
But You must have been around.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Ramadhan 2013

This evening
when this Holy month begins
It does not only bring blessings
It also brings back
some lost moments
and sweet memories.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Transition ..... Just one dance

As dervish as you may become, you can not survive without ignoring your worldly needs, he learnt this while going through his spiritual journey in the city of Prophet.

It was almost a week he was in Madinah spending his whole day sitting in the courtyard of the mosque. Still he was unable to cross the unseen borders, still he was hesitating taking steps towards the door of the mosque. Yet he had been through some transitions. He was joining in the congregational prayers five times a day, he was making du'a after each salah, he could feel the tenderness in his heart, which he never realized existed before.

He would spend his whole day roaming around the mosque and then sitting under the shadow of the giant umbrellas near Babe jibril, he would sleep on the marble floor of the courtyard, while people kept on making noise and the cleaning personals off and on crossing his path with their equipments to keep the courtyard cleaner. Still he used to nap with a deep, smooth and peaceful sleep which was oblivion to him ever.

After Isha prayers when the mosque doors closed, he had to get back to his hotel room. He had booked himself in one of the finest hotels across Masjid e Nabawi, which was hardly at a distance of a few minutes walk. Inside the hotel restaurant he would quietly have his dinner and then will remain confined to his room. 

Though there was lot for him to do inside this lavish hotel room, but neither he turn on television or for that matter his laptop to inquire about the worldly matters. It was as if he was going through switching of orbits, from this worldly circulation to the spiritual one.

From his window the pious deep green dome of the masjid was making a beautiful sight, he would sit on one of the chairs kept with the small round coffee table by the window and keep staring. He could feel the most strongest positive energies emitting out of this architecture. From his eyes, to his skin and to every tiny nerve ending hidden deep inside the skin was magnificently effected by this positive ray of energy.

It was almost a week he had not used his laptop. Not many people in his contact knew he was in Madinah. only a few in Spain and just one person in Pakistan.

Suddenly he picked up his cell phone and started checking his call log. There was none. No messages either. 

So nobody needs me, his smile was instantaneous.

If not in Spain , that one person in Pakistan could have sent him a message. Though he kept on denying, in his hearts of heart, he wanted someone to keep his track, to ask if he was alright, to worry for his food and routines. What a humanly feeling that was. A basic instinct.

Telling himself, he had to check his official emails, he turned on his laptop. An then a sudden realization made him flinch.

The last time he had any conversation with Mawra, she was angry with him, and they ended up in a serious quarrel.

"the reason for no communication", he thought.

And on opening up his gmail account, there was just one email he was looking for, and it dated back five days.

She had written the shortest of the emails to him.

"I have agreed to what You asked me for. But I am not happy, I can not be."

He was struck hard. 

They had fought over an issue before his flight to Madinah, and now she was telling him she had surrendered.

He felt his heart sinking.

Mawra Suhail was getting engaged.

Against her will.









Thursday, July 4, 2013

Ibiza islands.... Just one dance

Something happened in Ibiza that has stirred me.

The moment we landed in Ibiza town, to the moment we were back , I found myself entrapped,  by the charms of the lady named Helen Martinez.

May be she was right, a recent visit to Pakistan brought a change to my thought process and now I was looking up to settling down.

Still the islands made a difference, everything from the harbour to the beaches, from the road side cafes and shops to the pottery display, from the historic Fort to the discos that we went to, from the beers to the tapas we ate, from the Byzantine to Muslim cultural heritage of the town, was making an impact and bringing my life to a change.
And when you are 39 years of age and on the verge of proposing a lady for marriage, romance is not the only option that you are considering.

Nonetheless, Helen did not give me much chance to think over.

She was one of the most exquisitely styled women I have been with.

We were on a boat ride from the San Antonio island to cala bassa beach , she was wearing a white flowing skirt with red floral imprints, a red sleeveless blouse, a straw hat and sunglasses to go with. With here hair flowing in the opposite direction to the flow of air, she was representing a lady of my dreams, and that's where I decided to finally ask her views about being hooked.

"Depends who is asking me into it Dan" , she replied casually.

"What would be your choice Helen?"

"Finance", just one word answer.

"You mean the guy has to be rich? "

"Surely you can not imagine me getting married to a poor guy. I want to live this life to the fullest Daniel, I want to travel across the globe, want to buy all the beautiful expensive things, I want a big house of my own, and this all is certainly not possible without money."

"And what about feelings Helen? What about love? " I had to ask her, that was the only way to find out.

"Love and feelings do develop with time. You know and I know its all about physical attraction, as long as you may attract your partner and satisfy him, there is no harm to the relationship" she smiled with a wink.

That was the only time I could not return her smile, since my idea of a relationship was slightly more serious.

Agreeing with her was not mandatory. knowing her views was. Marriage to me was the biggest decision of life, I could not take any chances. Though we belonged to Europe, still in Spain family ties meant a lot. And when I was about to make a commitment,  had to make sure that it lasts forever.

I did not have a ring in Ibiza to propose her to marriage. But her charms did not leave me with much choice. We spent a great weekend there, and on our return to Madrid I asked her to move into my place, we still had to know some more about each other, before the final decision.

Everything was highly romantic until I was woken up by a phone call.

I thought Helen was being crazy calling me this early hour, may be she could not sleep all night.

"Mawra Suhail" , she said and I instantly sat up in my bed.

Why was she calling me at this hour?

The reality was much more than  Helen Martinez.









Monday, July 1, 2013

Piercing Pain

A sharpened edge of a broken glass piece accidentally piercing your skin, will make you bleed and
 make you flinch with pain,
a sharp, slicing, piercing pain,
and if some of those unseen cutting pieces would remain inside your laceration
they may give you an unbearable burning sensation, which you could endure but could not explain
your eye can shed a tear or two, if that pain is overwhelming , people around you can see your tears, but can not feel the pain you are going through.

When a heart breaks, the story does not differ much
there could be a a sharp piece of broken glass like behaviour that can make your heart bleed
you may flinch with pain, you may burn to your roots, your tears may make your heart sink and that piercing laceration may become unbearable.
but nobody could  fathom how you are suffering, because they can only see your smiling face,
they can not feel the pain you are going through.

Let me go back in time.

Can we go back in time?
When I can catch butterflies,
When I can drench in falling rain
When I can love the sound of flute
When I can wear motia in my hair
When I can smile for no reason
When I can weep in cover of my pillow
When I can dream what I want to dream
When I can fly without wings.