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Something else

No its not writer's block Its something else Just wondering why am I not writing much these days!

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Ill defined.

There could be ill define margins in tissues under a microscope. A pathologist can pick 'em up.

There may be ill define logic in an argument, a critic can catch it.

There could be ill define lines under your eyes, an observant can point that out.

But when there is ill define pain prevailing inside you, there aren't many who could reach to it.

It just persists.

at times for eternity.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

taboo

What creates taboos?
Why there are things which we can not discuss openly.
Why there are ruthless, shameless things happening around us and can not be stopped.
Why could be people so inhumane, where they lose the integrity and respect of relations to transform into animals?
Animals could be much better though, in certain aspects.
Why if they do, what they do, could be accepted by society, but when people speak of the issue it becomes a taboo?
I read taboo, sometime back.
I did not know then, a day might come and I myself would think of writing over a taboo topic.

Known-unknown

Why do I have to know the unknown?
Sometimes we are better off without knowing certain things.
unknown may not bother you,
known would follow you to the core.
Till you find yourself
drowned in its depth.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Failed

Thought I was busy, I was wrong. I am extremely busy.

And yes I am deliberately doing this to myself. Indulgence for a workaholic is a blessing.

A purposeful effort to tire each muscle and bone so that one can not "think".

And even then if thoughts keep coming back, you are in a dilemma.

Stuck up.

Failed.


Kill me softly

I heard
people may kill softly,
Don't know though
if a term like soft suicide
exists?

Friday, October 25, 2013

Iss waqt.... Faiz

Is Waqt To Yun Lagta Hai Ab Kuch Bhi Nahin Hai
Mahtab Na Suraj Na Andhera Na Savera

Aankhon K DarichoN Men Kisi Husn Ki chilman
Aur Dil Ki Panaahon Men Kisi Dard Ka Dera

Mumkin Hai Koi Veham Ho Mumkin Hai Suna Ho
Galiyon Men Kisi Chaap Ka ik Aakhiri Phera

Shaakhon Men Khayaalon K Ghaney Pairr Ki Shayad
Ab Aa k Karey ga Na Koi Khwaab Basera

Ik Bair Na Ik Mehar Na Ik Rabt Na Rishta
Tera Koi Apna Na Paraya Koi Mera

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Music And Work

The captivating tunes of a beautifully played sitar
stopped my busy nerves and moving fingers
I noticed out of nowhere
A single drop of tear on my eye lash
I blinked
It wont go away
Either I should not work
or should I stop listening to
the captivating tunes of a beautifully played sitar?

Insomnia .... yet again




Sunday, October 20, 2013

Of desires and destiny.

And today someone came and told me, I admire you for who you are, how do you survive, how do you keep your spirits alive? How do you manage your various inclinations?

And There I was not wondering at her admiration, on the contrary, it made me ponder over the time lapse,  the repetition of the same events I went through in recent past, the depressions, the loneliness, the mellow spirits, the shallow feelings, it all came back today.

I remember I said those similar words to someone else too, who was my mentor and ideal for striving hard and  surviving and for keeping the smile alive.

So it turns out that time repeats itself, today where she is, I was someday, and today where I am , I desired to be the other day.

And then how I see from here is that, where I want to be , I shall be there soon too.

But does the desire ever fade? We keep on running but are we ever satisfied?

For me its a big No. For You, go find yourself.

I know one thing, the day my desires are gone, I am gone.

Smile

At times even big jokes would not effect you,
and at others a tiny small thing can bring along the most natural smile.
Like seeing a lost friend after a long time,
Like playing with a tiny naughty toddler,
Like hearing a new song that matches your mood!

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Color me Autumn



When You find the gold in my eyes,
 the orange in my cheeks,
the waves in my hair
and the dryness on my lips
know that
You have colored me
Autumn.




Jam

Sometimes the realization strikes You with a big bang
and you remain bewildered and awestruck.
The realization of an emotional jam.

They are those times when you hate being in love.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Good night .... Just One Dance.

Her MP3 player was on with non stop  Nayyara Noor singing

"Aey ishq humain barbaad na ker"

("O Love do not desolate me")

Clad in her black pajamas, lying on her stomach with a pillow under her chin, her eyes closed , legs crossed , it was her late night hour , her very own, when she was alone with herself.

Sometime ago she was busy with her assignment that was due to submit in the morning when she saw her cell phone displaying a number from Spain. And then she turned it to a silent mode. Still she could see the number blinking and it was enough to distract her from studies and to disturb her to the very core.

And now when Nayyara in her tender voice was singing this sad ghazal, a single tear was blinking in her eye. She put the cell phone under another pillow so she could not see who was trying to reach her.  

"You can not reach me now, its over." She said to an unseen image.

She could not know when her father came inside her room and tapped her shoulder.

For a minute she was surprised and then next moment she turned the music down.

"You are listening to music at this late hour Mawra, and I thought you were sound asleep", He said gently.

"Sorry Baba I was about to go to sleep. Is everything OK? Do you need coffee?" , his father occasionally asked her for a cup of coffee in the late hours.

"No honey, its Daniyaal, calling you for sometime and when you were not responding, he called me to know if everything was alright,  told him you might be sleeping but he was right, you are still up listening to ghazals!"
he smiled and handed over his cell phone to her.

Oh gosh, she never knew he could find the alternative ways to reach her.

It was not easy maintaining a normal attitude when she started speaking to him, but she had to do it. It felt like she was listening to him after ages.

"I was listening to loud music and my cell phone is not with me, i think its in my bag" , she was bad at lying she knew.

Her father left the room soon then and she was alone with him. The sad ghazal was still playing  in the backdrop making her feel like being a character of an epic sad love story.

"And what about so many other times when you did not respond to my calls, it made me worried Amiga."

"I was busy, really"

"I don't know but let me tell you I had a feeling it was something else. Anyways what is that music in the background? I seem to like it."

"Its a ghazal sung by Nayyarra Noor, my favorite singer"

"A ghazal as those sung by Nusrat fateh Ali? I love listening to this kind of music, can you send me its link?"

"Sure, Do u listen to urdu music?"

His laughter was instantaneous. What is urdu music , english music, spanish music? Music has no boundaries and  I happen to understand urdu, remember?" 

"Yes" , she lied. She forgot he knows urdu language, just as she was trying to forget how his eyes sparkled and how his smile melted her heart.

"So hows preparation for tour de Spain?"

"I dunno, mom is doing all the preparation"

"Actually I called up specially to inform you that I have found a very secluded swimming pool for you here in my neighborhood, its one of my female colleagues who has gone out on a project to US and her house is big enough to accommodate a pool. She had handed me over the keys with the permission that my guests can use her swimming pool area. I was so excited to let you know Amiga. Now when you are here in Madrid you can enjoy swimming as much as you can , so bring along your swimming gear." 

It was such a big surprise to her, she could not imagine he could go to such an extent to ask a favor from his colleague for her. She was touched deeply.

"Thank You. " She could not say much.

"Tengo el placer Amiga"

"I am waiting for you guys to come over. You don't know how I miss a family around me and you people are all I have."

There was this ache in his voice that made her single dangling tear fell off her left eye.

"We'll be there soon and we'll keep you so much busy that in the end you'll want us to send us back. So Beware." she replied smilingly, this was the first genuine smile she had in days.

He laughed "You bet senorita. Now be a good girl and go to sleep and pick up my calls or you will miss big fun in life" 

She laughed and bade him good night










Monday, October 14, 2013

Utopia

I wish life was,
as gentle as your voice,
as warm as your hands,
as sweet as your words,
as beautiful as your eyes.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

haiku

رنگ ریز مرے

رنگ کے مجھکو اپنے رنگ میں

چھوڑر دیا دھوپ میں تنہا



rung raiz meray

rung kay mujhko apnay rung main

chorr diya dhoop main tanha








Saturday, October 12, 2013

Voice

Tell me an untold tale
read me an unread book
speak to me endless-ly
till your voice is absorbed
into my very senses.

Begin------------End

We do remember the beginnings
oh so well
Or is it the ending
that feels like beginning?

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Rain (a translation)

When raindrops kissed the forehead
of a dry deserted land
The essence of love evolves
in the form of soothing fragrance
Can we play the characters
of this epic story
While I become the dry land
and you portraying the raindrops
kiss my forehead with love
seal my fragrance forever.


بارش





جب دھرتی کے سوکھے ماتھے پر 
بوندوں نے پیار کا لمس دھرا 
سوندھی متی کی خوشبو سے  
وصل کا گہرا راز کھلا
صدیوں پرانے قصّے کو      
چلو آج مجسّم کر دیکھیں 
 میں دھرتی کا کردار بنوں 
تم بوند بن کر آ پنھچو  
مرے ماتھے پر اپنا  لمس دھرو 
اور مجھ کو معطر کر جاؤ 

Early morning

Early morning is so quiet
this quietness suffices me
the grass is wet under my feet
this softness enchants me
the plants undergo meditation
this stillness delights me



Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Sticky note

Phases come and go
yet some may linger on
and paste like a sticky note
on the page of your heart.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Bitter-sweetness

As an steaming cup of black coffee
along with tinge of bitterness
brings a sense of relief
some bitter-sweet memories
may also bring along
a tinge of sweet smile.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Nothing lasts forever but....






They say nothing lasts forever but let me rephrase, A Hajj does.

It is a memory that is never erased even if the whole clone of memory cells are replenished, even if you are surviving an Alzheimer's disease, even then i am sure, the feeling and memories of Hajj never fade out.

This is a blind love, it pulls you towards itself, you run madly towards your beloved, never minding leaving behind your loved ones. The  attraction is so powerful, for once you are trapped, you are gone forever.

Even after coming back from the Holy land, one is so equipped with the rituals, that every year the Zul Hajj moon sighting can evoke the same restless feeling in the depth of your soul. You tend to fly away with all the love birds, millions of them, travelling across continents to gain in return, the ultimate reward of Love , Peace, Purity.

My heart is one such love bird today, waiting to be clad in white uniform, fly away to the far away Holy land.

Hajj


Distraction

I do not know
If I could ever be
a reason of
Your distraction
If so, I wish that
moment be tonight.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Nostalgia

میرے چارہ گر

یہ جو زخم ، زخم سے خواب ہیں، یہ جو رات ہے میرے چار سو
مرے بےخبر ، مرے بےنشاں ، میں تھا کس نگر ، تو رھا کہاں
کہ زماں ، مکاں کی یہ وسعتیں ، تجھے دیکھنے کو ترس گئیں
وہ مرے نصیب کی بارشیں ، کسی اور چھت پر برس گئیں





Amjad Islam Amjad

Falling leaves

Noticed today
How the falling leaves 
Tend to change colors
Akin to your eyes.


Unexpressed

Silence can be wonderful.
The words that are lost may take you into another alley,
A world of feelings only, existent but unexpressed
You explore some more, you discover some more
The feelings which were yet unknown.
Yes, silence can be wonderful.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Love-Hate Story.

Irony it could be, but it is more sever than that.

When you run away from someone a moment and then the next moment you find yourself  running towards the same?

When you smile with the one, you tend to cry your heart with?

When you would like to punch him in the nose, yet the next moment you would want to hug him close.

When you don't want to hear a name, and the next day you don't catch your breath until you have any news from him?

Love stories do exist and so do hate stories..... but when you find yourself in such dilemma , believe me, you are in the making of a love-hate story.