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Something else

No its not writer's block Its something else Just wondering why am I not writing much these days!

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Unshed tears....... Just one dance

She left the room leaving him bewildered. For a moment he thought he saw unshed tears in her eyes. But what could have gone wrong.
Maria could only tell him that Mawra spoke to someone as the phone rang. He saw the call log and dialed back. Helen was expectedly in a complaining mood but he could not ask her what type of conversation they both had a while ago.

He had to come to a conclusion all by himself, he thought while having breakfast half heartedly. His day had begun but with a hard feeling.

Sometimes we move ahead considering our situation to be the only hard hitted fact. At others we find only our heart broken. What we tend to ignore is the fact that the other person might also be correct in justifying things. Or may be they are still able to relate to us and feel our pain.

Mawra moved upstairs hurriedly not even looking back not even accepting the fact that seeing her in such a state had already ruined Daniel's day.

He was still thinking about her standing in the corridor of his workplace which was a smoking zone and they had to be here if they need to smoke. It was his third one. And similar was the number of his black coffee.
He kept wondering what could have gone wrong between the two of them. He picked up his cell phone to speak to her for the tenth time but he could not. Sometimes its better to give time and space to settle things down.

Mawra was very dear to her and she was his guest now. And she was such a lovely person. He could not see her being hurt. He ran a hand through his hair. This state of mind would not lead him.anywhere. He turned off his laptop and called home. It was weekend and he had to give his guests sometime. He should take them our for sight seeing.

He called bibijan and they begin planning for an evening out.



Addiction

Like a
mug of  black coffee
Like a dose of tranquilizer
Like a fume of cigarette smoke
Someone may run in your blood stream
and a doze missed may make you realize
You were addicted!

Friday, August 29, 2014

Woman


al-Kahf

١٩  قُل لَّوْ كَانَ ٱلْبَحْرُ مِدَادًا لِّكَلِمَٰتِ رَبِّى لَنَفِدَ ٱلْبَحْرُ قَبْلَ أَن تَنفَدَ كَلِمَٰتُ رَبِّى وَلَوْ جِئْنَا بِمِثْلِهِۦ مَدَدًا
109  Say, “If the ocean were ink for the words of my Lord, the ocean would run out, before the words of my Lord run out,” even if We were to bring the like of it in addition to it.

al-Kahf

Thursday, August 28, 2014

پکار کا موسم



وہ میرا نام لئے جاے اور میں اس کا نام 
لہو میں گونج رہا ہے پکار کا موسم 

پروین شاکر 

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Yearning .... Just One Dance

Her nights were lonelier now, more than ever, since this very morning when she found out some more about his intimate life.

Though it should not have been her concern nonetheless she was concerned about him. By days, hours, minutes and seconds. It was growing deeper,unknowingly and unintentionally.

It was a lovely summer morning when after early morning in-lawn walk, she entered this small cottage, which was home to her beloved. She was in a specially exciting mood today and she had a plan to do some cooking for him.

In the kitchen Maria Jose was already on her heels. Moving and clattering and banging. Mawra smiled. "Seems Maria is already on her way to cook breakfast" , she thought.
"Beunas mananas", Mawra wished her good morning

Maria smiled at her speaking Spanish and replied with much zeal.

"whats up madam? What are you cooking? "

"Making breakfast for Dan"

"oh, what does he prefer for a breakfast?" Maria was one source for her to know him deeper

" He prefers it English way, egg, toast and tea."

"No desi breakfast like Parathas?" she asked again

"I never saw him eating that"

"I was planning to make desi nashta for him" smilingly she shared her secret with maria

"oh child, you should better ask him first. I am not sure he would eat parata in breakfast."

"No problem, Ill do that" Mawra replied calmly while making herself  green tea.

She was sipping the hot tea when the phone began ringing. Maria asked her if she could reply to it.

Mawra was hesitant while picking it up, she wasn't fluent in Spanish.

At the other end there was a shrill female voice, all she could understand was , she was asking for Daniyaal.

She politely replied in English that he wasn't around yet, most probably sleeping.

"Who are you?" the shrill voice sounded a bit more sharp.

"I am Mawra Suhail, why?"

"Daniel's cousin's little girl?" she inquired

"Daniel's cousin's daughter, yes", promptly she corrected her, feeling offensive though.

"Alright, just tell him to get back to me, I am finding his cell phone off"

"May I know who is this?" Though Mawra knew who she was supposed to be speaking so authoritatively of Daniel Malik, still she asked

"Helen" and with that she went off.

Mawra was already feeling very down when she put down the cordless phone on the center table. She was midway between the table and the kitchen when she stopped. With the tea mug still in her hand, her mind was stuck to one point. Something wasn't correct and it took her a few minutes to calculate what her mind was signaling to. Turning around , she took a few hurried steps to pick up the phone again, searching through the call log, it did not take much time to find the number. She went back to the call log of her cell phone and there it was, the same number, almost two months back, she received an early morning call from it.

Her hands began to shook, her legs  went weak. It was Helen's home number and Daniel used the number to contact her asking about her father the other day. How could she forget that husky voice which tingled her nerve endings all through the skin. The very first time when she discovere a half awakened man's husky voice could be so attractive, and how it arose her every pore.

The dilemma was the point which was unnerving her now was more intense than the memory of that voice. It was the imagination of Daniel being in Halen's home spending the night. And most probably he was calling  from her bed. Her throat constricted and her breath ragged. For a moment she felt her heart stop beating.

And the more severely painful blow was imagining the all so beautiful and sexy Helen Martinez in her sexy lingerie and what about her being all without clothes? There was an unseen tear that slid down her cheek while she attempted to control her tattered breaths.

She was shaking so badly that when suddenly he heard Daniel coming down the stairs towards the kitchen for breakfast, She could not fathom her own status. The only reflex was to run away and hide somewhere out of reach of this handsomely tormenting man.

"Beunas mananas amiga", he was all smiles like always

"Good morning: she could barely whisper in response.

"So ill have a lovely company with me at breakfast today huh?" His charms were eternal and his smile killing.

"I am sorry but I really don't feel like eating at the moment, and if you please excuse me?"

 With that she ran upstairs to the room she was staying in, weeping all the way. The blow to her heart was more than she could bear. She was madly attracted to the man who was not hers and will never be. And who was so intimately involved with this other woman. The most elegant one she had ever come across.

She never knew love could be so madly, insanely, wildly, foolishly and extremely painful.

Yet her heart was still yearning for the man she was hating this moment.




meray andar

Main to khamosh hoon kaee din say
Koi Meray andar Magar bolta hay

Lust/Love

It never gets old, the debate over lust and love,

I keep wondering though, how long it takes before it diminishes

The so-called lust, the so-denied love.


Monday, August 25, 2014

Misery

Sometimes you tend to go on with your routine life and then suddenly a blow changes so many things.
It may be a routine for a doctor to deal with patients , listening to their misery, extending hand to help them and sympethize. But its only when your loved one reaches hospital bed then you know how it drains all energy from your nerve endings making you as vulnerable as a child.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Thoughts

In the burning days and lonely nights
Its your thought that make me go on
Its your dream that soothes my distressed sleep
Its like a shadow in the scorching sun
Its like a raindrop on the desert sand
Something I do not have to beg you from
Somethings that you would never know!

Monday, August 18, 2014

Gulzar's 80th birthday

بس تیرا نام ہی مکمّل ہے 
 اس سے بہتر بھی نظم کیا ہوگی 

Gathri

Chand bhooley bisrey khwab
Kuch beetey huey lamhay
Thori si muskurahat
Kuch phool dua'on key
IK ghathri bana ker inki
Bandh ky rakh di thi
Tumhari saalgirah per
jo tum ko bhijwana thi
Ab saal beet raha hay
Gathri waheen rakhi hy
Tumhara pata magar mujh say
Kaheen Kho gaya hay!

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Unexpected Rain

Last night
After so many of them
It rained
The raindrops of lost memory
Brought them all alive
The fragrant nights
The enchanting days
From the day we met
Till the eve we parted
It brought them all alive
Last night
It rained heavily 

Friday, August 15, 2014

Haruki Murakami (Quotes)

“Wasn't it better if they kept this desire to see each other hidden within them, and never actually got together? That way, there would always be hope in their hearts. That hope would be a small, yet vital flame that warmed them to their core-- a tiny flame to cup one's hands around and protect from the wind, a flame that the violent winds of reality might easily extinguish.” 



“I'm a coward when it comes to matters of the heart. That is my fatal flaw.”



“If you can love someone with your whole heart, even one person, then there's salvation in life. Even if you can't get together with that person.” 



Him

I used to see him every morning. Exactly at the same place. He was always in an anxious state, walking , moving forward, coming back to the same place where started from.

It was oncology ward premises. The ward where cancer patients were being treated. The most dreadful ward in a hospital where patients being admitted are unsure of their survival.

He was probably related to one of the patients. the anxiety and fear on his face was so obvious. It was telling its own story. I prayed for him as I used to drove him by.

And then after a week or so , he was gone. No anxious walks, no fearful face.

The decision was made. Either the patient survived or he could not.

I kept wondering what would have happened.

Life and its uncertainties.

Time

Time slipping by
Hours melting
Minutes running
Seconds flying
Life going towards its end so quick.
What do we leave behind
A helping moment
A gesture of generosity
Some kind acts
Some loving memories
A few words that have touched some ones heart.
All else is forgotten
We humans have such short memories

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Pakistan


Amidst so much uncertanity and insecurity
There is still some hope for prosperity
No matter what
I will always Love you
Happy birth-day Pakistan








Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Black & White

Somebody suggested I look good in black and white pictures
How am I supposed to tell them when you lose all your colors the only colors remain are black and white

Robin Williams

May be its the deprivation of just a thing or a person that can lead to depression.
Because even if you have all the worldly blessings, the most desirable by humans , wealth , fame and love , can not bring you the little things that are not your destiny.
The faith and believe that everything good or bad is from the Divine and that we are connected to the Lord even for our tiniest desires, play such an important role.
It keeps you going in life. It keeps your spirits high in all ups and down. It keeps you away from suicide even in the worst condition.
Robin William's suicide made me revise my faith in Allah SWT.

Beautiful

I find serenity when I am surrounded by beauty

Thank You for being
brutally and utterly
beautiful

Monday, August 11, 2014

Degradation

"I wish you to know that you have been the last dream of my soul. In my degradation, I have not been so degraded but that the sight of you with your father, and of this home made such a home by you, has stirred old shadows that I thought had died out of me."

— Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Words

We leave behind words
When we go
Fragrant enchanting words
Powerful and effective words
Hurtful and tearful words
Tender and touching words
Words will remain when we shall not



Museo Del Prado.... Just one dance.

Few words said and few gestures made in past could have different meanings when you look back in time and think over. He was thinking over today.

He had bought ticket for her to visit museum Del Prado, the largest art museum in Madrid. She did not want to go alone but no one in the family was interested and daniel did not have enough time. So she agreed to go alone while he was leaving home early to drop her to museum on his way to work. The museum was to open at 9:00 AM.

On their way she noticed , Madrid roads were as busy and bustling with traffic as any other busy city around the world. A few traffic jams, horns and people hastily rushing towards their destination. He was driving quietly and she did not feel like distracting him, so without giving him any reason to feel disturbed, she kept looking around and also looking at him.

He was looking handsome in a blue pinstripe shirt and his eyes were covered with shades, for the sun was high and shining. Suddenly she noticed she was also wearing the shades of blue. A white kurta with blue neckline embroidery with a pair of blue jeans and blue headscarf. They were matched. Unintentionally though.

"what are you thinking amiga?" he asked , bringing her out of her dreamworld.

"Nothing important." for a moment she blushed, how could she tell him she was thinking about both of them.

"Really? I thought I saw you smiling. May be you wouldn't like to share or should I not insist?

She caught the teasing smile in his speech and felt lighter.

"No you should not, there are somethings girls do not like to share with men."

His laughter was candid and then he told him they were at Gran Via , the most famous and central street of Madrid.

Museum was nearby now. He dropped her near the museum, with her ticket and a bundle of instructions.

"Please do not worry. I am a big girl remember?" she smiled

"And so pretty on top of that. A pretty and lonely girl is very charming to Madrilenos. So be careful. Ill catch you around lunch time. Make sure your cell is on."

With that he was gone and she joined the long queue for entrance to this grand museum.

She was an art lover and it was her very first time in a European art museum. She remember the instructions given by Daniel and started her tour accordingly. The guide book also informed her about the Vincent Van Gogh exhibition, further increasing her excitement.

Five hours went by and still half of the museum remained unseen, her cell phone was ringing reminding her that Daniel was already waiting outside.

They walked across the street and she found herself surrounded by many fountains, it was such a pleasant site and she did not forget to mention that.

It was a few minutes walk and they were now in front of a small restaurants tucked neatly at the corner of one of the streets. Settling down on their table and as he ordered Tapas for her, everything seemed so dreamy to her. Was she really having lunch with him? It was getting hard for her to keep her nerves intact.

"So how was the experience senorina?"

"Truly amazing."

"Seems you are much interested in art. Why didn't you learn art then?" he asked looking intently at her.

"I can not draw well or may be i am not that creative but I really appreciate creativity."

"Hmm. Ok. So did you meet any handsome guys asking for your time?" teasingly he asked.

"I did", she said smoothly with a fake seriousness.

"Wow, I was right then. So what did you say?"

"I said I had already been asked out for lunch today, may be some other time" she said and noticed his reaction. He laughed and nodded his head. He was so open about it all, she never felt hesitant in expressing. That was the best part about his presence. That was the comfort she drew in his company.

It was a lovely lunch having tapas with cheese and olives. It was a great day when he heard her laughing freely. It was the day when he felt a tinge of jealousy when she mentioned the other guy. He did not notice then.

He was thinking over now.








Saturday, August 9, 2014

Nostalgia

Some familiar words
a well read poem
a repeatedly watched movie
a favorite book
An old song
A special picture

and Nostalgia!

Friday, August 8, 2014

Halo





The moon tonight is so beautifully mysterious
enveloped by a halo
half hiding half showing
mildly mildly shining
and secretly whispering

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

To separate or incorporate?

To separate or incorporate?

Relating of an individual to various professional fields may have different perspectives. At times they may become confusing, at others they give you a wider horizon to think, accumulate and eventually express. Broadening your vision and thought processing. 

Even then sometimes you want to find your individuality. Torn between the dominant field of health care and somewhat less prominent field of literature , at times I am in a fix how to separate or incorporate the two. Making myself comfortable in between. Seems its a never ending dilemma.

Spinning

Sometimes some words you do not want to hear again
yet they keep coming back
Sometimes you want to run away for good
but time and nature take you back into the same scenarios
its like spinning all over
and coming to the same point where 
end-meets-beginning.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

A couplet

ہم جنھیں لوٹ کر نہیں آنا 
کیا ہمیں دیکھنا نہ چاہو گے 

Adjustments

When you travel across different time zones your body clock  takes time to readjust.
If you alter your sleep patterns it takes ages for you to return to old routine.
How can this be strange if you grow used to a company and when they are no more around you need time to get back to normal.
Human body and human mind are strange.
But the human heart is the strangest 

Monday, August 4, 2014

Unsent message

At times in the middle of a night
Waking up from a broken sleep
You look for an unsent message
Or a forgotten missed call
That otherwise would
never appear on your screen

Sunday, August 3, 2014

nothing?

If it was nothing special
Then tell me why
There are still echoes
There is still ache

Saturday, August 2, 2014

ہجر لاحق A poem



شام کے آخری کنارے پر 
کچھ ذرا دیر روک کر سانسیں
رات بھر بولتی رہی بارش 
چاند ، بادل، ہوائیں اور بوندیں 
خشک دھرتی کی اک مہک سوندھی
لمس لے لے کے سر اٹھاتی رہی
اک ملن کے سبھی گواہ ٹھہرے 
پر یہاں ساری خوشبوؤں سے جڑے
کچھ بدن تھے کہ جو نہیں بھیگے
بوندیں لپٹیں بھی، چھو لیا بھی اگر
کوئی سوندھی مہک نہیں جاگی
ہجر لاحق جو مستقل ٹھہرا

Wavelength of feelings

Staggering walk extending over miles
with aching feet and dried lips
endless distance crossed over
running into the timeless circle
stopped for a breath to look back
A hopeless ray bringing some hope
For You too being in the distant land
running a mile in the timeless circle
may stop for a while and realize
How the memories spill over and thus
We both reach to a halt where
the wavelength of feelings coincide.