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Something else

No its not writer's block Its something else Just wondering why am I not writing much these days!

Friday, October 31, 2014

A walk on the beach

Wish we could walk on the beach
with waves touching our feet
and hands held together
in a lovely weather
like tonight.

Silent hour

At a silent hour
In the middle of a night
When ever I wake up
I look for your presence

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Rainy afternoon........ Just one dance

They were in classroom waiting for the last lecture to begin when suddenly Mawra picked up her bag and moved to leave. Sila looked at her with a quizzical brow.
'Im going. No intention to attend thd lecture' said Mawra
'But why?' Asked sila
'You know my moods' shrugging her shoulders she moved out of the lecture hall

All she wanted was to be alone. To spend sometime with herself. The walk from her department to the main university gate was already half an hour long. Usually her driver used to pick her up right outside her department. But she had other plans in mind today.

There was this another road leading to the alternative gate of university,mainly used by the faculty members and residents living inside university campus. It was solitary, green and much longer. She took the road to walk alone. The driver was already been instructed to collect her from the alternative gate.

It was a silent autumn afternoon. As silent as she was. Inside out. She was walking on a road surrounded by thick woods from both sides, creating shade and shadow both. Good for her as she already wanted to hide behind a veil.
Bow headed deep in thoughts,clad in black kuta embroidered with a single white motif on shoulder with a pair of black jeans. Her head covered with a printed black and white stole.

It was a month now since she was back from Spain. The trip that had given her smiles and tearsm, nearness and abstinence, pleasure and pain. It was those moments she was trying to re-live now,neing alone. As you need to remember if you want to forget. So in attempt to forget she was remembering.

From the day she landed into Madrid to the day she saw Helen. Their trip to Ibiza islands and her first travel through a ferry. The museums and shoppings,the food and dance. The Flamenco dance festival and the swimming sessions but the most important of all were those few special moments with him alone.

And now she was back with almost no contact with him. It was a deliberate effort on her part as she did not want to disturb him while he was doing preparations for his wedding.

A tight bolus of tear obstructed her throat. She hardly managed a deep breath and looked above at the sky. Dark clouds were covering the sunrays to the maximum. The visual acuity was getting low. There was a forecast of thunderstorm today. She recalled. She heard a thunderous sound of an angry cloud and with the gap of few moments there was a bolt of lightening. Fear of being alone in jungle enveloped her. She quickened her steps.

The first raindrop hit her head and she knew thge very moment it would not be comforting. It was a thunderstorm by every mean. The alternative university gate was still very far and there was no human around. Occasionaly a car or
Two passed her by but she remained un noticed.

In the next few minutes she was drenched with rain water. Suddenly she heard her cell phone ringing But she could not risk taking it out of thed bag. It was safe inside. There was no shade or sherlter to stop and call her driver. But then the driver wasnot allowed to bring the car in frtom the alternative gate as he didnot have the gate pass. She had made a huge mistake and now she was in a fix.

She felt like weeping. And one by one remembered everyone. Mom dad imad bibi jaan and daniel. How would he react at her stupidity? Only remembering him made her tears flow more. 'O Allah please help me.' She was praying and was almost running now. But there wad no escape from this thunderstorm that had hit her hard. She walked and ran constantly for the next ten minutes. But she was shivering withcold and her peripheries were cyanosed. She needed rescue.

Suddenly a cars headlight began to follow her. And then she could hear the cars horn asking for her attention. She was scared to even lookback. Kidnapper? The only thought that  came to her mind.

Then she heard the car stop just behind her. Mawra began running. She heard the car door open and felt someone coming out. Her heart stopped of terror. She was about to faint.





Of desires and feelings

Desire is mystery.

It builds up and sparks the flame. But as much as it takes to burn, it tends to put off at a faster speed.

Desire could be blind or it may make you see things that do not even exist.

It is short lived, too short lived. And when it turns off it may left you being a stranger.

The reawakening of desire is also not strange. but the fate of it is to die soon. One way or other.

Then what it is that do not die? Feelings may be?

Feelings may take different forms, from palpitations to calmness, from sparkling eyes to tearful ones, from headaches to smiles, from insomnia to somnolence, from nearness to separation, from desire to abstinence, they remain. They transform but persist.


Desire may be mysterious but without feelings they are nothing but emptiness.


Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Denial.... Just one dance

It was one thing not having access

It was another having access and denying the right to contact

He was in her palms. she watched the cell phone lying in her palm then, at a mere distance of a single touch.

She knew all the places to connect to him, yet they were miles apart, at a distance which makes words go silent.

They were in a state of denial. They both.

Not Ordinary

I found something extra-ordinary in all these.











And trust me it wasn't ORDINARY










And this wrenched my heart away!



Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Story in making

There wasn't a deliberate effort to create a story
But isn't it wonderful to be a part of an extraordinary story in the making?
To be a character of an epic is itself charming.
always wondering what will be next?

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Beyond time and space

Growing out of the boundaries of time and space is not an ordinary phenomenon. You lose track of the ticking clock, the changing dates and the slipping moments. You are in a delusive state where things are happening yet you stay still in your mental state.

A trance, deep musing or hypnosis. We are somewhere out of the real world while being a part of it.

The surprising point is not being in a state of hypnosis. The surprising fact is that even while being in a different mental state altogether, there are certain things you do not forget. Certain things and certain people. Certain thoughts and certain feelings.

I went through such a phase in past few days, while I was being ill, running fever, mentally out of the real world and devoid of orientation of time and space. Even then some things remain as such.

I kept on writing my blog, which is somehow has become an essential component of my life. And now when I look back, open the blog, read what I wrote, I feel I wrote with same intensity, same feelings, same issues.

Somethings remain with us even beyond the boundaries of time and space.

Astonishingly.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Rumi and I

I wonder if we pass through time again or our souls wander through this universe even before we exist. This is also amazing that through the passage of centuries some feelings survive and never change. The times we are going though had already been faced by others in a completely different era.

I was going through Rumi's poetry and found him expressing what I still could not have. I saw what he went through ages ago, and yet through his words I could feel his feelings. Truly his words are more emphatic. This is the connection I have with Rumi even if we are ages apart.

If I'd known how savage Love is
I'd have blocked the door of Love's house
Beaten a drum, shouted 'keep away!'
But I'm in the house.... helpless......

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Life's Sketch



Wish life was more like sketching
you draw what you want and its right there!

Wishlist (incomplete)

Wish a night that begins with your dream
Wish a morning that is next to your skin
Wish a sketch that has me in your arms
Wish a poem that survives through times
Wish a season of never ending bliss
Wish a fragrance that smells like love
Wish a rain that runs though pores
Wish a feeling that reaches to the core
Wish ......

(And thus the never-ending wishlist)

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Comparison?

The warmth of a feverish body
brings back memories of the
skin burning with pure desire
making me wonder
can they be compared?

Frozen

Why is it so
When times aren't easy
They become frozen

Why is it so
When we wish to
Freeze the dial
The moments slip fast

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Sunshine

Its so like walking endlessly
In the frightening darkness of
A never-ending blind tunnel
In the weakening hope of an exit
Leading to the sunshine of your being

October morning

This chilled October morning
with falling leaves on ground
relate so much to me and
the prevailing melancholy

Take away

Take away my hectic days
but not my empty nights
for that's when I seek You
and thus seek myself.

Monday, October 20, 2014

contradiction

No, I do not miss you anymore. 
But then again, I miss you so differently, utterly, absolutely.


Saturday, October 18, 2014

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Car with tinted glasses

A car with tinted glasses
An empty road by the beach
A long drive all alone
With sun shades on
& some non sense music
What could be better
To shed the unshed tears
I dont want a shoulder, just
a car with tinted glasses!

Clock hands

When the clock hands stuck
The similar hours on dial
My skin grows feverish
The vision goes blurred
The breath gets tattered

Monday, October 13, 2014

October nights

At the silent hour
Of this warm October night
I woke up to a restless sight
The moon was nowhere to be found
In the solitude of darker nights
Though we had similarities
The akening awaiting
The similar loneliness
Yet the moon run away to
Hide in some nights but
My awaiting never ceases

Friday, October 10, 2014

How?

If you can not stop being who you are
How can I stop feeling
What I feel!

Thursday, October 9, 2014

your echo


I dread my solitude
cuz it doesn't come alone
it brings your echoes
in the emptiness of my being
and makes me lonelier

Restless night

If you can't be near
Then why must be
In my thoughts and dreams?

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Who knows?

Who knows
where time would lead us
There are tendencies, to modify, to change, to rediscover, to re-seek
in such transforming times, who knows where will we be next
When shall we meet only to depart once more
who knows what the next moment of togetherness will bring on
a few more intimate moments
a few more steps closer
or stillness, coldness and
a chilled ardor
who knows?
the inclination, the loyalty, the fascination
may decline too if it tends to incline each time
In next few years, we may not see each other
or may see each other every other night
In next decade, we may not exist
or may exist in each others heart forever
who knows?



Monday, October 6, 2014

Reminders

Nothing reminded me of you
Wearing your favorite color
Sprays of mist on the neck
Tinkling of silver bangles
Glittering diamond ring
Hair tied up in a knot
Hands devoid of henna
The Eid festivities and
All the busy moments
Nothing reminded me of you
For the forgotten needs reminders.



Sunday, October 5, 2014

Pretended

Although I pretended
Still let me admit
It wasn't easy
Sleeping without You

Saturday, October 4, 2014

No strings attached

Tonight I want to dig out this statement as much as I could








1) Doing something for someone without asking for anything in return.
2) Being in a relationship with someone, while still dating other people. This is so there is not anxiety of worrying about where him or her is or what him or her is doing. 
1) It is ok, I will do you a favor...no strings attached!
2) I am so glad there are no strings attached with Dave. I can just be free and do whatever I want.








Adam: Hey, you can't call me and tell me that you miss me. I don't want to have that conversation on the phone. So you can't text me and you can't e-mail me and you can't write on my wall. Like, if you really miss me, you need to grow up and get in your car and come and see me.













Friday, October 3, 2014

Flame

The desire rushing across your veins
spreads the flames across mine
That's the moment worth living for    

Wednesday, October 1, 2014