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Something else

No its not writer's block Its something else Just wondering why am I not writing much these days!

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Forbidden

Most of the things that appear attractive from a distance , lose their charm once observed from nearness.

Only some of them would be truly enchanting

and the dilemma is

those truly enchanting things, are strictly forbidden.

Exhausted

Trying to forget you was no easy task
it demanded a lot of effort
and in this exhausting endeavor
I broke myself

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

A couplet ( in this frenzied night )




وہ  دور ہو تو بجا ترک دوستی کا خیال 
وہ سامنے ہو تو کب اختیار  اپنا ہے



Monday, December 28, 2015

Peace


And then there comes a time when you feel so helpless , with things not going the way you planned and expected, with every situation seems to be anti-you
and the most important ingredient of life i.e. peace is missing from your life  
And then as if an angel being sent towards you to show you this ayah 












Friday, December 25, 2015

The festive season

How much less how much more
the dream in the dreams, says it all
how chilled winds tantalize the skin pores
how waves strike the solitary shore

how the moon smiles down in harmony
with the season of pleasure and woe, together

how the music transforms an illusion into
the festivity not known to be there, at all

The smallest of the moments whispered, then
to forget the heartache and embrace the flow




Christmas dream

“Snowflakes swirl down gently in the deep blue haze beyond the window. The outside world is a dream.

Inside, the fireplace is brightly lit, and the Yule log crackles with orange and crimson sparks.

There’s a steaming mug in your hands, warming your fingers.

There’s a friend seated across from you in the cozy chair, warming your heart.

There is mystery unfolding.”


― Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Such silence

Such silence
I could hear
the sound of my
heart breaking

Echo

This should not be stranger than strange itself how we lose gradually...... almost everything

Initially the connection, then the orbit in which your rotation was taking place. then the attachment

and finally the feelings

its a slow on-going process

nothing re-built it, not even the happy season going on in the outside world

the inner world remains sad

and then in the end nothing remains but emptiness

which echoes

once or twice, sometimes in busy hours, sometimes in the middle of a peaceful sleep.

yes, we lose everything but the echoes in our bloodstream.

Monday, December 21, 2015

December Diary

Somber days and
whimsical nights
great readings and
wavering writings
poetry to prose
and research papers
teaching and learning
all alongside
chilled winds
and coffee fumes
longing hours and
passionate dreams
melancholy and 
enchantment
so many moments
yet so much missing
this December goes
with amalgamated feelings


Scared

Sometimes we are scared of sleeping
Infact it's not the sleep but the dream that haunts us
That we don't want to see again
The dreams that end up painfully
The dreams that take you miles apart from your beloved 

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Illness

Its not until you yourself are ill that you realize the suffering someone else might be going through

And sometimes being a doctor and self treatment doesn't help much either.

Friday, December 18, 2015

Melancholy

Its so confusing when you can not name the sadness prevailing in the depth of your heart
or may be you can name it 'melancholy' but you can not connect it one particular person or matter?
and you keep on rotating in the cause and effect cycle with no way out. 

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Silent hour

The loneliness of
this silent hour
Scares me
For it opens up
The chapters
That were written and closed



Wednesday, December 16, 2015

مسلسل / Musalsal



اس کائنات محبت میں ہم مشل  شمس وقمر کے ہیں 
اک رابطہ مسلسل ہے، اک فاصلہ مسلسل ہے  

Somber day

A crazy dream
A restless night
A disturbed  awakening
A somber beginning of the morning
Often leads to a day filled with apprehensions,  restlessness and melancholy 

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

For December 16th 2014

You live within our hearts
like an open stab wound
which bleeds each time
we hear your names

You shed from our eyes
like rain filled clouds
which pour without season
when we see your image

You ache in our souls
like a baby about to born
among the cries of agony
when we see your parents

You all have gone long
and must have found peace
but those remain behind
bear a scar on their hearts
never to be healed.


Sunday, December 13, 2015

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Illustration: Parveen Shakir






Missed chances

We miss many important chances in life
sometimes they are meant to make a difference
Like a chance to speak to someone, you just saw and felt like speaking to.
Like a chance to buy a book, you just read a review about and then its name forgotten
Like a poem you intended to write but distractions made you forget all of it
Like a child you could have but was missed inside the womb and was sent to heaven
Like a person you never intended to know, but eventually knew him too deeply
Like those few words which you were supposed to say to him, but never did and you both moved on to separate ways.
So many chances, so many advances, so many treasures,
remain undiscovered.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Color-less-ness

There comes a season of
color-less-ness
like a tasteless cup of tea
like a harsh winter wind
like a lifeless sketch
like a half hearten message
like a long-lost love

Friday, December 4, 2015

Thick blanket

A Late night mode
A dose of heavy medicine
A sleepy self
A thick blanket of memories
A distant you



Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Between Night and Sunrise

I do not miss you, but
the things you used to say

I do not think much, but
the way your eyes saw

I do not remember, but
the feelings you generated

I do not know, but
this longing that never faded

Monday, November 30, 2015

Thank you

Thank you fever for catching up with me again
Thank you for making me drowsy
And sleepy
And thank you so much for letting me forget about other pain

Friday, November 27, 2015

سر دی کی دھوپ

سردیوں   کی  ہلکی ہلکی سی دھیمے سے پھیلتی دھوپ کتنی  پیاری  لگتی ہے 

 جیسے کوئی چپکے سے زندگی  کے معمول شامل ہو رہا ہو 

جیسے کوئی   بھولی بسری جان فضا یاد لوٹ آئی ہو 

جیسے کسی گم گشتہ داستان کا  قصّہ دہرایا گیا  ہو 

جیسے کوئی دلفریب چہرہ مدّت بعد دکھائی   دیا  ہو



Thursday, November 26, 2015

M.Phil seminar. 26-11-15

Some days are apparently big. Like today.
When I'll be presenting my M.Phil Pathology thesis in front of the audience.
Fingers crossed.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

سال گرہ مبارک


میں نے بہت کم  خوبصورتی ، ذہانت  اور دل گدازی کے ایسے امتزاج دیکھے ہیں جن سے پروین آراستہ تھیں 
 میں ان سے کبھی مل نہیں پائ  مگر میں انہیں ان کے لفظوں کی خوشبو سے جان لیتی ہوں  


وُجود کو جب 
مُحبٌت کا وَجدان مِلا
تو شاعری نے جنم لیا۔

اِس کا آھنگ وھی ھے
جو موسیقی کا ھے

کہ جب تک 
سارے سُر سُچے نہ لگیں
گلے میں نوُر نہیں اُترتا

دِل کے سب زخم لو نہ دیں تو 
حرف میں روشنی نہیں آتی۔

”پروین شاکر“

Drowned

when I stopped waiting for U
and even stopped looking,
days have gone silent and
nights have grown darker
time is standing still while
heart has drowned father



Friday, November 20, 2015

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Faiz, lst night



Last night, your lost memories crept into my heart

as spring arrives secretly into a barren garden

as a cool morning breeze blows slowly in a desert

as a sick person feels well, for no reason





Late night reading


Australia awargi
Mustansar Hussain Tarar

Monday, November 16, 2015

Unspoken

All those endless conversations
that abruptly came to an end
And those shy truthful confessions
the air would never hear again
those sleepy wakeful nights
with eyes and words drunken
All those made me compose, the
words which otherwise were unspoken

Saturday, November 14, 2015

The story




“Tell me the story..
About how the sun loved the moon so much..
That she died every night..
Just to let him breathe...”

― Hanako Ishii

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Quietness

There exists nothing further
between us , now
but quietness,
nothing more
nothing less
from the last shade in horizon
to the first morning sun ray
this deepening, tormenting
quietness
through the endless nights
to slowly passing days
this saddening, killing
quietness


Monday, November 9, 2015

regularly-irregular

I put my emptiness inside
an empty earthen pot
just then
it began to vibrate
so heavily, the waves
would collide with my
heartbeats
changing its rhythm to
irregularity


Temptations

Temptations and infatuation wouldn't last for long
That's where I realize
It was something else. 

Nothing but

Another new morning
which brought nothing
but emptiness

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Footsteps

Running after someone's footsteps doesn't necessarily mean we will find them. 

Friday, November 6, 2015

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

In-betweens

And then I stopped at the phrase which read..... going back to love

Going back to love? sounds insane.

If you could come out of this maze called love, find a way out to run away, that's the only option which may lead you to going back to love.

What is the other way?

Its either to love or not to love. No in-betweens!

If there is a spark it will ignite, always

If there is none, the ice cold feelings will never melt.

What is between them?

I can never fathom.

And the most painful time is where you keep on guessing, whether it is a spark or an snow covered peak and never find an answer!


These days

There are days which are rough
and then there are others which are roughest

No gaps in between!

Sunday, November 1, 2015

End of story

How long can you wonder if that particular someone cares about you?

If they care they would show.

not showing = not caring

End of story!

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Fear

Sometimes even the prospect of happiness bring forth a fear of accompanying sadness.

Why is it so difficult to be happy?

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Words

some words are impossible
like always
some words are tricky
like remember
some words are stubborn
like forget-me-not
some words are shallow
like trust me
some words are eternal
like I'm here
some words are risky
like I love you
some words are unsaid
like tears
some words are forever
like your name.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

About us

Thought I was forgetting
bit by bit, as the days passing
all smiles and tears
all insane conversations
all desires and attractions
about you and about us
and then out of no where
a poem, a few words
an image. arrives as reminder
as if to make sure
I am still there
where I was.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Good night kiss


Heavy eye lids couldn't be lifted
As though they had been
Sealed by the beloved
In a good-night kiss

Why?

Sometimes we give so much into those feelings that they seem strange to us,looking back from a distance,

As if it was a remote memory.

As if it was a state of drunkenness.

But it was not, or else the memory wouldn't have been as crystal clear.


Monday, October 19, 2015

Shadow

Knocked at each door
looking inside all 
slits and windows
to see if some other
being, could help to
remove the shadow,
that over looming shadow
you have onto me.

Streaks

I wonder if you noticed
This morning
The streaks of my tears
On your pillow 

P.S.




Saturday, October 17, 2015

late night musings

کچھ ربط ، رابطوں سے بڑھ  کر ہوتے ہیں ، ان کے لئے سہارے تلاشنے نہیں پڑتے  





Friday, October 16, 2015

Find me

Find me
in the falling leaves dispersed
in various shades of autumn

Find me
in the wind that blows
from my land
towards yours

Find me
in the fragrance on
your skin, where I
left some imprints

Find me
in the coffee fumes
we never happened
to share together

Find me
in the colors of your brush
for you wouldn't know
of all my favorite shades


Find me
in words I wrote, as they
were meant for you alone.



The morning after

Wishing it was only a niģhtmare and nothing more

If you could


Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Pendulum

Couldn't find out
what allured me
towards you
but since then
there is only way,
your way.

Couldn't still know
what persuades me
for returning
towards you
each time
I plan to
run away.

And as if this
life is a pendulum
oscillating between
goings and returning.


Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Ghazal


Less often I come across such lovely piece of poetry
worth re-reading.


تاریکی کا بھید کھلے اور تو آئے
دیواروں پر دھوپ پڑے اور تو آئے

خاموشی کےلحن میں آنکھیں بات کریں
ان دیکھی تصویر بنے اور تو آئے

چھم چھم بارش برسے ترسے کھیتوں پر
سوندھی سی خوشبو آئے اور تو آئے

تو آئے اور آنگن آنگن روشنی هو
روشنیوں کی نهر بهے اورتو آئے

خوشحالی کے گیت سنائیں ناچیں، گائیں
شادابی کا شهد گھلے اور تو آئے

روز امید کا دیا جلاؤں ،سو جاؤں 
صبح سویرے آنکھ کھلے اور تو آئے

لفظوں کی مزدوری کرتے دن گزرے
شام ڈھلے،پھر دیا جلے، اور تو آئے

حماد نیازی

Surprise!

From roaring crowds to a selected few, from randomization to optimization, from everywhere to specific there, from seemingly nice to exceedingly rare, I have transformed.

The age , as it is passing on, moving forward, has let me set standardization , for who I meet and whom I like to be with. From collections to selections, I have stepped down to selections and trying to know ways to preserve them.

I have changed, I have grown stubborn, I do not look for people, for goodness, for beauty. For years I have been looking for them.

Now they come running down towards me and I enjoy waiting for them, just waiting, no chasing.

for I have learned, though the hard way, what is destined to be mine, will be mine, eventually.

I did not know, this patience would grow inside me, but it has.

Life is full of surprises!!

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Ankle twist

And now this twisted ankle

Ask me what blessing it is to walk normally!

Exhausting phase

There are two exhausting phases in life

One, when your mind gives up
yet your body drags on
That's called Physical exhaustion

Other, when your mind gives up
yet your heart drags on
That's called Love

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Odd moments

What is this helplessness 
In these odd moments 
Whenever I seek an escape 
I end up thinking of you. 

Monday, October 5, 2015

A poem born

When body demands sleep
as every bone screams
when mind wouldn't agree
as it avoids dreams
When nothing persists
but nothingness
when words fly
in emptiness
then only arises a poem
in all its tenderness.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

So long

And I thought its been so long,
so long that the voice becomes a whisper
and the face turns into a shadow
as the dreams changes their form
and the seasons come and go
the words begin to fade
and the love?
the love stands still
holding breath, in waiting
in these uncertain times
there comes a night
which makes your
memories, alive.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Princess

I'm not a born princess who used to wake up feeling a pea in her bed

Then why would I wake up feeling a hidden hairpin in my hair

May be if I were born in some other times

I would have had a chance! 

Fabulous story

The world was the same
arrogant, affluent and cruel

It still is the same
in the phase when you and I
exist, at one moment in time

It will remain the same
when you and I will not
be a happening part of it,
with a slight difference though,

It will miss having,
Our fabulous story.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Looking for love

Looked for love everywhere
In embracing  words
In tunes and melodies
In the shades of a deep voice
In the powerful expression
Of sentimental poetry
in rains and beaches
In seclusion and in crowd
In tears and smiles
In flowers and fragrances
But see where did I find it
In the hidden message
Inside a bottle
In the silent conversation
Of speaking eyes

Monday, September 28, 2015

Silent killer

While teaching my students about hypertension
I wish I could tell them

Its not the only silent killer, known.

Sunday, September 27, 2015

How I wonder

In the midst of rainfall
Or on viewing an eye-catching
Bright spherical moon
While driving when on radio waves
You hear any of my favorite melodies
When someone is discussing
Any of the books I used to read
When picking up your phone
Reminds of a text I ever sent
When in some beautiful face
Your eyes search for me or
When the going gets tough
And you seek a moment of comfort
In all those secret moments
When you are simply yourself
I wonder
Do you ever think of me? 

Friday, September 25, 2015

Cursed

When all the world is peacefully resting in their dreams
The only cursed insomniacs stay up.

Those who were condemned to stay restless because they used to miss someone. 

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Reality vs dream

Who says dream is afar from reality?

Then what of this dream which had you and me
And many others we know and belong to
But inspite if being in one atmosphere
I could see nothing more than a glimpse of you
This is all about us,  after all
Looking for only  a glimpse
As the time passes by

How dreams being a fig of reality
How realitycould be as harsh as a dream.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

dwellings

If only they could be together
your colors, my words
your brushes, my pens
your sketches, my poems
your drawings, my dreams

Then only,
they would have dwelt
your pleasures
my pains.


Monday, September 21, 2015

Hathon ki lakeeroN main....

"Tu Badalta Hai To Besakhta Meri AankheN

Apne HathoN Ki LakeeroN Se Ulajh Jati HaiN"

Praveen Shakir


V

Nothing

In the late hours
Of a silent night
Nothing can replace
Your presence
Not even a good book. 

Sunday, September 20, 2015

بے بسی

ذہن  کے جھروکے  میں  
یادوں  کا   پھیرا   

آنکھوں کے روزن  پر 
خوابوں کی چلمن 

اور دل کی دہلیز پر 
دھرا  اک انتظار 

!جاتا نہیں ہے


Saturday, September 19, 2015

دھند 24

 میں تھا ERوہ ایک بار پھر  

وہ دشمن جان ابھی تک بے ہوشی کی اسی  کیفیت میں تھی ، متعدد ڈاکٹر اور اسٹاف اس کی خبر گیری  میں مصروف تھے 
وہ بے بسی  کے عالم میں بستر کے  سرہانے کھڑا اسے دیکھتا رہا 
ہر ڈاکٹر کی پیشہ ورانہ زندگی میں ایسی بے بسی کے لمحے ضررو آتے   ہیں جب وہ اپنی بے شمار صلاحیتوں اور قابلیت کے با وجود  اپنے مریض کو زندگی کی طرف لوٹا نے میں ناکام ہو رہا ہوتا ہے 

مگر جب مریض کوئی اپنا ہو، جس سے دلی یا جذباتی وابستگی بھی ہو تو بے بسی کی کیفیت اذیت دینے لگتی ہے 
وہ بھی ایسی ہی غیر بیانیہ سی اذیت سے گزر رہا تھا 

 سے باہر آنے پر اسے یاد آیا ER 

وہ تو کسی کے ساتھ یہاں ہسپتال پنہچا تھا ، اور زینیا کی  پرواہ کرتے کرتے وہ شیرل کی مجودگی کو یکسر فراموش کر چکا تھا 

اسے افسوس نے آ گھیرا 

 کے ساتھ مصروف تھی ipad وہ ویٹنگ لاؤنج میں اپنے 
 عمر اس کے برابر آ کر   بیٹھ گیا 

: سب ٹھیک  ہے؟" اس نے  پوچھا 

"وہ اب تک ہوش میں نہیں آئی، میرا خیال تھا کہ وہ جلدی جاگ جاے  گی 

"کیا وہ شاک میں ہے ؟ "

"ہاں کوئی  گہرا ذہنی صدمہ ہے، وہ ایک ڈاکٹر ہے   اور سرجری کے دوران آج اس کی ایک مریضہ کا انتقال ہو گیا "

"اوہ ، لگتا ہے وہ  بہت حسساس ہے ، ہمارے پروفیشن میں تو یہ باتیں دیکھنے کی عادت ہو جاتی ہی ؟

عمر جانتا تھا کہ شیرل کا تجزیہ بلکل درست تھا مگر وہ اسے زینیا کی زندگی کے اتار چڑھاؤ کے بارے میں تو نہیں بتا سکتا  تھا 

"کیا یہ تمہاری دوست ہے عمر؟ یا کولیگ؟ "

اس نے  آخر وہ سوال پوچھ ہی لیا جو وہ کتنی دیر سے پوچھنا چاہ  رہی تھی 

"فیملی فرینڈ ، اس کے والد شہر سے باہر تھے، اور کوئی گھر میں نہیں تھا جو اسے دیکھ  پاتا ، اسی لیے مجھے ڈنر چھوڑ کر آنا پڑا ، میں معافی چاہتا ہوں  شیرل ، ہم ساتھ ڈنر نہیں کر پاے ، میرے خیال میں تمھیں اب گھر جانا چاہیے ، بہت دیر ہو چکی 

میں کسی سے کہ کر تمھیں بھجوا دیتا ہوں 
وہ کہتے ہوے اٹھنے لگا تب  اس نے پوچھا 

"اور تم عمر؟" تم گھر کب  جاؤ گے "

اسے خود نہیں معلوم تھا کہ وہ کیا جاننا چہ رہی ہے 
"میں کم از کم اس وقت تک یہاں سے نہیں جا سکتا جب تک وہ ہوش میں نہ آ جاتے "

شیرل کو ایک لمحے کے لیے افسوس ہوا، اچھا تھا اگر وہ اس سوال کا جواب نہ کھوجتی 

کچھ دن اور سہی ، اس کی امیدوں کا بھرم  ہی رہ جاتا 

عمر نے لالہ کی ذمداری میں اسے گھر روانہ کیا اس ہدایت کے ساتھ کہ وہ کھانا ضرور کھاے گی 

 " کیا عمر حیات سے زیادہ خیال رکھنے والا انسان کوئی اور ہو سکتا تھا ، اس پریشانی میں بھی اسے شیرل کے کھانا نہ کھانے  کا خیال تھا "

اسے افسوس ہونے لگا،  پچھلے چند سالوں میں ، جب سے وہ عمر حیات کو جانتی تھی ، پہلی بار اسے محسوس ہو رہا تھا کہ وہ اسے کھو رہی ہے 

اسے اس بیہوش لڑکی پر رشک آیا ، اتنا رشک جو اسے آج تک کسی پر نہیں آیا تھا 


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Friday, September 18, 2015