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No its not writer's block Its something else Just wondering why am I not writing much these days!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Connection.... Just one dance

"Assalamo Alaykum Ya Akhi"

After fajr prayers, he was sitting in the mosque courtyard at his usual place under the towering umbrella, when he heard someone greet him. He was one of the khadims of the Haram.

The team of servants who is reponsible for taking care of the cleanliness of premises of the Holy mosque are known as khadims. They are categorized into various groups and shifts according to their assigned duties. He was one of them. And since in his white arabic gown , slightly grown beard and his european physique , many people who met Daniel in Madinah, considered him  an Arab.

Daniel returned his greetings. The khadim sat beside him on the marbled floor. Daniel turned to him and saw his bright eyes, he was smiling very gently at him. He was an average heighted, south asian man, wearing the green colored uniform of the Haram Shareef's khuddams, he had a knitted white net cap covering his head.

"I watch you every day sitting here in the courtyard, even at times when there is not much rush inside the masjid, why dont you try to pray inside?"

Daniel was surprised. he did not know, someone in this far land, where he has no contacts, someone might have been observing him.

"I haven't been inside the mosque yet, though I am in Madinah since one week." He felt naive at explaining his feelings to an stranger.

"This is surprising. People come to this city to pay salams and blessings to the Prophet, to offer Salah and pary in Riyazul Jannah. Why you did not make such an effort?" For a khadim from south asian origin, his english was quite fluent.

"I feel I am not being called inside, I feel I am not being accepted.here." Daniel was suddenly feeling at ease with this stranger.

The khadim smiled." Do You think You are visiting Madinah uninvited? The two Harams in Makkah and Medina are the houses belonging to Allah SWT and His Prophet Muhammad SAW. No one dares to be a pilgrim of these two Holy cities univited. When you are in Madinah , be assured You were being called here, by Allah SWT and His Prophet Muhammad SAW."

"But then why am I so restless, why was I being called when all my life, I did nothing but sins? I had the weakest faith if any a muslim could have, I never followed a single religious instruction , never prayed, never fasted. There was not any sin I haven't indulged in. With this kind of history, how can I dare to enter this Holy place, I feel filthy and dirty, I feel I dont deserve to be here and if ever I try to enter the Masjid, my Prophet will not accept me in his Ummah."

He had tears in his eyes, a few rolling down his cheeks. For one full week, he was feeling frustrated and lonely, now he had a listener and he opened his heart out to him.

"My dear brother, do you think, you are the only one here with such feelings? No.  let me assure You each one of us feels the same. As soon as we reach to the boundries of Haram, the whole life is being rewinded for us, we feel sinful and ashamed for not following the Quran and Sunnah the way we are expected to. Is there any one who is free of sins? No. that is inhuman. Why in Quran then Allah says, I love my servant who makes sin , then realize, and come back to me asking forgiveness. He is the one most dear to me. So at this stage, when you are being called here in Prophet's city, and you are feeling guilty of your past life, and when heart is feeling a tenderness that is making you weep, this is the time ya akhi to ask forgiveness. And tobah can cure everything, washes every guilt, every sin away. Ask forgiveness with the faith that you will be forgiven, as this is the only reason you were being called here, to be purified."

Daniel was hearing him , and his heart was flowing in a stream that was led by his mind in the path following the recent past.

He had heard her saying these words many times, but he always silently denied her and even made fun of her blind faith. How mature she was, and how blind he had been.

His tears were coming in streams now, Daniel Malik was crying. Infront of this crowd from every corner and continent of the world, he was weeping without an embarassment, for this was the place where one has to have a direct connection between the Creator, His Prophet and himself. Where there was love and no fear, where there was belonging and no guilt. Where there was forgiveness and no blame.

He could not realize when the khadim left him weeping on his own and when he was down on his knees with his forhead on the floor in sajda, making a connection that had been badly missing.

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