Silent Whispers - Revisited

Sometimes I can not decide what is better Staying up in crazy nights with you or Sleeping madly in these cold nights

In the end its your restlessness derives you to creation. But at times its too perturbed to lead you to pain. And pain when not fully expressed ,intensifies. Leading to more crativity. Thus the visious circle.

We all seek refuge in whatever we do in one place or other in one man or another in the charismatic beauties in the enchanting gossips in search for the unknown but tranquility lies somewhere in the heart that in 'known'

An eraser to rub it all off a shed group of memory cells never to replenish a dust covered old book never to reopen a stone heart non-reactive never to feel again That is this morning's only wish For I want to be forgotten

Not that I didn't meet any handsome men after you. I simply refused to look up to them. Something went wrong when I saw you first. Something built up. Something broke down. Your image persists and my eyes remain confined.

PC Lahore Dec 2013 Christmas is all about remembering It was only last year Already seems a lost memory

There is so much suffering in people around me I feel suffocation looking for a breath of fresh air

The first winter rain Is being sent for me This chilled morning As it kissed my hair Moving on to forehead Giving me assurance I was not alone

Each winter night Descends through the fog The delicate dew drops To sleep on the shoulders Of petals and leaves Only to disappear Well before sunrise Leaving behind moisture With the unbroken promise Of seeing the next night

“I don’t miss anyone. If I did I would do something about it. Besides, some people come back...in dreams. That’s when they’re honest.”  ―  Donna Lynn Hope

But why in the whole wide world it was you, I met?

Recite me an Ayah that the Lord delivered for us Read me a poem that I wrote for thee Draw me a sketch that show our shadows together Sing me a song that would bind us forever Cure me if you can For my soul is restless In this grievous December

Why do they revisit When we don't want to remember When we so want to forget?

I am an unfortunate mother Who carried hundreds of fetuses And gave birth to hundreds of lives If I had known their fearful fate I would have aborted them all If mourning is what I have to do Wish they were not being born

Three things keep me warm in December An old sweater A mug of black coffee Your thoughts

Wishing a chilled winter morning That begins in your arms

It doesn't matter, not anymore If you are near or far around or depart its like a tree I planted and left unattended but each time I look its growing tall and shady expanding like a canopy its branches envelope Its fragrance enchants Its leaves speak the language that is just for us For you and for me Every time and any time We are together The bliss persists so it does not matter, not anymore

Words like these do not come easily. You  have to travel through the 'absence' to create them.

Wish I could hide and hibernate somewhere before anyone else Wish I was a whirling dervish belonging to Rumi tribe I'm seeing now how fake this big world is  and how it loses its glory for me

So today I accepted the most denied fact that he is leaving us all of us, very soon. The time is so short but then what could we have done if we had time. One of the days when I feel most helpless. When I don't even feel like praying. There is not much hope left.

Would you dance If I asked you to dance? Would you run And never look back? Would you cry If you saw me crying? And would you save my soul, tonight? Would you tremble If I touched your lips? Would you laugh? Oh please tell me this. Now would you die For the one you loved? Hold me in your arms, tonight. Would you swear That you'll always be mine? Or would you lie? Would you run and hide? Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind? I don't care... You're here tonight. Listening to Hero by  ENRIQUE IGLESIAS

This is an odd hour of the night Odd time to wake up Odd time to do left overs Odd time to think deeply Odd time to miss you

Your name is what I look for on screen, in a book, on a painting on the sand by the sea shore on the clouds that canopy me in the air that pass me by in the fragrance that I apply in the flowers that blossom in the songs that are played in the winter that is around

Some dreams are strange and they leave strange effects on me It was one such dream that was with me throughout last night leaving my morning lonelier and my heart heavier

There are realities and then there are harsh realities Undeniable truths , hard hit  facts The state of denial makes it worse The acceptance can progress to depression How to cope is the question?

Aimless awaiting is like wasting time But then sometimes wasting time is all we could do!

 Shadow leaves me alone in the darkness So unlike the feeling of your presence Which never deserts me

In the silence of dark hours Burns through my soul A deep undeniable yearning For the sight so enchanting For the voice so charming For the feel so exhilarating For everything may fade out But the unfulfilled yearning

I am a reader Nothing is more pleasant Than a lonely evening with a book And one of these cold winter nights In the aura of loneliness With all the finest details With all the hidden treasures I would love to read you

Don't run I may remain behind Don't fear I believe in your strengths Don't weep I can not see you cry Don't go I may not wait forever Don't worry Things may change for better Don't think It won't make a difference Don't forget Love is condemned to survive

"Tell me, mahout, have you ever been in love?" Jahan said, a little uncertainly,"all I know about love is that it brings heartache , your highness" From the howdah came the saddest melody fluttering in the breeze like a feather from a bird long gone. The poet recited : Behold the beauty that expands the heart within the mirror of the rose- Quote: The Architect's Apprentice Elif Shafak

Is it about beiñg beautiful with a trim figure, fair skin, silk perfectly cut hair, nicely manicured hands, softly protected feet? Is it only about looking sexy, wearing sleeveless off the shoulder dress, exposing skin to be caught by someone's eyes? Or when it comes to guys is it about being tall dark and handsome with perfect eyes, branded clothes , luxurious cars  or the most latest gadgets? Yes to many and most. But there are still a few for whom these are secondary or added charms  The true  attraction lies deep and beyond the superficial standards For the temporary charms will go away shortly while the deep bonding stays beyond boundaries.

In the end its all a matter of existence vs non-existence 

As if my heart is being squeezed Awaiting can be cruel

I have spent many nights in hospitals But this is different 

Ar times when we are required and expected to be more focused, we are most disoriented! 

Something wakes me up from deep sleep Every night Is it the missing factor?

You stunned me already Is there something more?

In the ache of midnight flu Your thoughts could be As soothing as a Steaming mug of green tea

Its one thing to report malignancy , its another to communicate the news to a patient. Telling someone that you have a deadly disease which would make your life shortened is such a horrific thing. And the dilemma is when you find out that the same deadly disease is effecting one of your dear family member and you being a pathologist know so much more than an otherwise ordinary doctor could have known. The next step is even more traumatic when out of all mature people in family , the responsibility of breaking out the news to the patient is given to you. All you strive for is to pose to be the strongest and logical amd sympathetic at the same time while in privacy of the night or a flight ,you break down and cry. And pray with tears rolling down your cheeks. Its difficult to be strong and fragile at the same time.

Dua ka toota hua harf sard aah mein hai  Teri judayi ka manzar abhi nigah mein hai  Tere badalne ke bawasf tujhko chaha hai  Yeh aitraaf bhi shamil mere gunah mein hai  Azaab dega toh phir mujhko khwab bhi dega  Mein mutmaeen hoon mera dil teri panah mein hai  Jise bahar ke mehman khali chodh gaye  Wo ek makan abhi tak makiin ki chah mein hai  Yahi woh din the jab ek dosre ko paya tha  Hamari salgirah theek ab ke maah mein hai  Mein bach bhi jaoon toh tanhayi maar daalegi  Mera qabila ka har fard, Qatl gaah mein hai Remembering Parveen shakir on her birthday .

Comfort could be Your hand on my shoulder Or My fingers in your hair Comfort would be Sleeping in your arms Or Your head in my lap Comfort could be Hearing your soft whispers Or telling you all my tales Comfort would be Feeling you close in this darkness Or seeing you in my dream

It isn't easy to be strong, it puts you through more tests than the norm. At times those who pose to be the strongest need to have a sympathetic ear to vent out, a tender heart to provide comfort and a big shoulder to cry on.

Whispers sent into air For someone who could hear Feelings left in the clouds To sprinkle on you in showers I may not be there again The air and clouds will remain

I tend to break promises lately The most recent one was Not to miss you!

Suddenly when lights went out I realized I am in your time zone

Happiness does not come alone it brings a fear of sadness too

 زین نےگھڑی  دیکھی  . دس بجنے  میں ابھی ایک گھنٹہ بارہ منٹ باقی تھے . وہ جیسے ایک ایک پل  گن رہا تھا .  ازمینہ اب تک موسیقی کے  پھیلاے ہوے سحر میں گم تھی، شاید اسی لیے اسے وقت کے اتنے تیزی سے گزرنے کا احساس نہیں ہو رہا تھا  وہ لوگ اب اوپر لے جانے والے گول چکر دار زینے پر تھے . ازمینہ اپنی اونچی ایڑی کے جوتوں کی وجہ سے سہج سہج   کر قدم اٹھا رہی تھی. زین اس کے بلکل پیچھے تھا. جب اچانک سے  سمندر کی لہروں میں کوئی تلاطم اٹھا اور کشتی ڈول اٹھی. ازمینہ کا پیر سیڑھی میں موجود خلا میں اٹکا اور وہ بری طرح لڑکھرائی.  زین نے اسے سہارا دینے کی کوشش کی مگر اس سے پہلے وہ خود کوگرنے سے بچا چکی تھی   کچھ دیر ریلنگ تھامے وہ دونوں یوں ہی کھڑے  رہے . شاید کوئی موج بے قرار تھی    کہیں طوفان تو نہیں آ رہا زین؟ وہ سچ مچ میں خوف زدہ  تھی "کاش " وہ کھل کر ہنسا تھا . مگر تم بے فکر ہو جاؤ ، نہ یہ ٹائی ٹینک ہے اور نہ تم روز !  "زین تم بھی حد کرتے ہو یہاں خوف سے میری جان  نکل رہی ہے وہاں تمھیں مذاق سوجھا  ہے " "کچھ نہیں ہو رہا تمھیں، ابھی بہت جینا ہے تم نے، چل

Before the eyes are glazed before the lips are dried before the skin withers down before the memories fade out let me catch my breath let me see you once again

Why it had to be you Why it had to be me Why you are not ordinary Why am I such a dreamer

And sometimes on a night like this I need you close Not just your memory!

I fear uncertainty The unseen that has yet to come The unknown that has yet to be dealt with The undeniable that is to be accepted The unfinished that will reach to an end I fear so much I feel helpless 

 افق پر پھیلی شفق کی لالی  دھیرے دھیرے اندھیرے میں گم ہو رہی تھی. سمندر کی لہروں کے مدو جزر سے ٹکرا کر آنے  والی ہوا   کچھ اور   خنک ہوگئی  تھی  ازمینہ نے سر اٹھا کر آسمان کی جانب دیکھا. اسے لگا کہ ایک عرصے کے بعد وہ اس قدر کھلا  اور شفاف آسمان دیکھ رہی ہے. شہر کے ہنگامے اور بھیڑ  سے دور اور بلکل الگ تھلگ ، ایسی تنہائی اسے پہلے کب نصیب ہوئی  تھی،  چاند بھی موجود تھا ، مگرادھورا  تھا. ان دونوں کی طرح. "نہیں صرف میری طرح." ازمینہ نے فورا   ہی اپنے خیال کی تردید کی. "وہ تو مکمّل تھا."  آپ اپنی میڈی ٹیشن  سے باہر آنے کا کوئی ارادہ رکھتی ہیں؟" اسے زین کی مسکراتی آواز اس سمندری کشتی کے عرشے  پر واپس لے آئی ریلنگ سے کچھ پڑے ، آرام دہ نشستوں کے ساتھ گاؤ  تکیے رکھے تھے اور اس وقت وہ دونوں وہیں بیٹھے ہوے تھے. میں یہیں ہوں." وہ دھیرے سے بولی "   "کیا سوچ رہی تھیں. مجھے پتا لگ گیا تم اتنا اچھا کیسے لکھ لیتی ہو" "کیسے؟" "کیوں کہ تم سوچتی بہت ہو" "یہی تو ایک ایسا  کام ہے جس میں کوئی مداخلت

Over the passing years some dreams do not sleep some fire do not extinguish some feelings do not fade some wishes do not die

بہت خاموشی تھی. بہت کچھ بولتی ہوئی  خاموشی.آ س پاس کا ہنگامہ، شور، گہما گہمی سب کہیں پاس منظر میں چلے گئے تھے . ان دونوں کے درمیان خاموشی گفتگو بن کر گونج رہی تھی . ازمینہ کو لگا یہ چند لمحے بہت قیمتی ہیں ، شاید انہی لمحوں  نے آیندہ انے والے وقت کا رخ طے   کرنا تھا. پھر اس نے زین کو کہتے ہوے  سنا  "کیا ہم کچھ دیر بات کر سکتے ہیں؟ " " اس نےاثبات  میں سر ہلاتےہوے پیچھے   موجود طویل قطار  کو دیکھتےہوے کہا  " مگر شاید کچھ دیرہوجا ے  .  میں انتظار کر رہا ہوں" وہ جتنی خاموشی  سے پیش منظر میں آیا تھا اتنی ہی خاموشی سے  پس  منظر کا حصّہ بن گیا "  وہ کسی روبوٹ کی طرح آٹوگراف لکھتی رہی، تصویریں بنواتی رہی، انٹرویو دیتی رہی. مگر اس کا دھیان اب بٹ  چکا تھا .وہ . اس ساری گہما گہمی سے اب اکتا گئی تھی.  زین منصور نی اس کی توجہ بانٹ لی تھی . اور وہ ہمیشہ ہی ایسا کیا کرتا تھا    وہ ہال سےباہر آئی تو کافی دیر ہو چکی تھی. اس کی متلاشی نظریں زین کو ڈھونڈ رہی تھیں. عجیب خدشے تھے . یہی کہ وہ انتظار سے اکتا کر واپس نہ جا چکا ہو.  ہیلو" اپنے عقب  سے

In the end it does not matter who you are and who am I two wandering souls whose paths crossed for sometime leaving behind memoirs akin to engraved imprints

خاموشی گفتگو ہونے لگی ہے 

You know how people take off their face mask to reveal their hidden self? Wish I could do the same with the persistently aching half of my head!

اور اگر وہ یہ سمجھ  رہا تھا کہ  ہوٹل کارلٹن پہنچتے ہی اسے وہ نظر آجاتے  گی تو وہ کتنا غلط تھا. وہاں تو ایک جم غفیر تھا. اور گویا ایک ہیجان بپا تھا . صرف کراچی سے تعلّق رکھنے والے ، ادب کے شوقین وہاں نہیں تھے ، وہاں تو ملک کے مختلف    کونوں سے لوگ آ پنہچے تھے بیرون ممالک سے آنے   والے مہمان ان کے علاوہ تھے.  کارلٹن کی وسیع اور خوبصورت عمارت کئی ہزار گز پر پھیلی تھی، اور اس عمارت  کو  چاروں جانب سے سبزے کے قطعوں نے گھیرا ہوا تھا. مگر جو بات اسے دیگر ہوٹلوں سے مختلف بناتی تھی وہ ہوٹل سےجڑا  سمندر کا کنارہ تھا  جہاں سے ایک تو پرلطف ہوا کے نرم جھونکے آتے تھے اور دوسری جانب اس  کے کنارے لنگر انداز وہ مختلف کشتیاں بھی تھیں جو آپ کوسمندر  کی سیر کی دعوت دیتی دکھائی دیتی تھیں.    ہرعمر  ، ہر طبقے ، ہر رنگ ، ہر تناسب کے لوگ . اور صرف لوگ ہی لوگ.  طرح دار خواتین ، نیک سک سے درست مرد حضرات ،نوجوان نسل کے نمائندہ افراد ، کون نہیں تھا وہاں . اور سب ہی مصروف،     ایک ہال سے دوسرے ہال میں آتے  جاتے ہوے ،کتأبو ں کے سٹالز پر بھاؤ تاؤ کرتے ہوے یا فوڈ سٹالز سے لطف اندوز ہوتے ہوے. کچھ ل

Life is an amazing teacher years ago when I was fascinated by stories, I used to imagine the story is always being divided into three portions the beginning the climax the end The stereotype! Comparing to what I believe now is that some stories in real life may begin Go through climax all ups and downs but not necessarily suffer an ending May be not till one of the characters die. In those unusual stories, some moments are important,  some hours, some days and some moments And those are some special moments which at times compel me to write. So I began writing a story just recently. It will not have a definitive ending I'm sure about that, because its about those two characters whose story is endless.

  بعض نام اور چہرے بھولے نہیں جاتے . وقت اور فاصلے یاد رکھنے کا پیمانہ نہی ہوتے. شاید اس   لیےبھی کہ کچھ لوگ  ہماری زندگی کا حصّہ بن جاتے ہیں ، پھر انہیں یاد کرنے کے  لیے بہانوں کی ضرورت نہیں ہوتی . کراچی کے موونپیک ہوٹل کے کمرے میں صبح کا اخبار دیکھتےہوے اسے بے اختیارازمینہ شمس  یاد آئی تھی  آج ایک بڑے ادبی میلے کا افتتاحی دن تھا اورازمینہ  شمس کسی ادبی میلے  میں شریک نہ ہو یہ کچھ نہ ممکن سی بات تھی.  زین منصور نے  ایک لمحے کو اپنی دھڑ کن  کو بڑھتا ہوا سا محسوس ہوا . سات سال کاعرصہ  کچھ کم نہیں ہوتا . کیا سات سال  کے بعد وہ واقعی اسے دیکھ پاے  گا؟ اور تب کیا ہوگا اگر اس نے اسے پہچاننے سے ہی انکار کر دیا  یا پھر پہچان لینے کے باوجود وہ اس سے گفتگو کی ہی روادار نہ ہو ؟  بہت سے خود رو سوالوں کے جواب ڈھونڈتے اس نے میٹنگ میں جانے کے  لیے تییار  ہونا شروع کیا.بہر  حال یہ میٹنگ وہ   وجہ تھی جس کے لیے وہ کراچی آیا تھا . ت  اسے اس شہر سے کچھ خاص انسیت بھی نہیں تھی مگر جب بھی وہ ائیرپورٹ سے باھر  نکلتا اسے ی احساس گھیر لیتا تھا کہ وہ اس شہر میں کہیں موجود یہاں کی ہوا

I do not have images to cherish No solid memories to hold on to yet I remember every thing All the lands and seas you crossed All the bridges and paths you walked on All the fragrance and fabrics you wore All the music you played and danced on All the portraits you sketched and stored For I was there in those moments somewhere right next to you

There are good days and bad days And then there are some exceptions 

“Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great.”  ―  Roger de Bussy-Rabutin

Call me nonsense for I tend to seek your reflection in someone else Such worthless effort!

I have figured out that if it let's you sleep peacefully through the night without giving you restless moments of wakefulness, its not Love.

Do not look for me in whereabouts across the distance of miles if you could not feel me yet within the expanse of your being You would not fine me anywhere

Some venues may be reminders

It isn't about comings or goings being there or not being there truthfulness or forgetfulness its something unfathomable, more profound and unavoidable

Forgetfulness could be such a blessing. Wish I could forget too

The brightened Moon is so annoying it wont let me hide behind the tallest tree It sees through me like an illuminating lamp like a hidden mirror like your penetrating eyes

Some fire do not need oil They keep on burning 

In these hectic routines , time has evolved as a critical entity. Time decides everything. Time is being demanded and being always lacking. So if we can donate sometime to someone that means they really matter They are significant.

She was in his arms, so close  that she could hear his heart beating and could feel his ragged breaths on her skin. In a state unbeknownst to her, she was shivering with cold, was it the weather or was she ill? And where was she and why was she in such an intimate state with him? She refused to think of answering any of such questions. It was this moment she wanted to live-on. This time forever. She was shivering uncontrollably now. In the distance she was hearing a noise that was disturbing her intimacy and privacy. Wasn't it a moment of silence? She was semi conscious the day she was caught in the thunderstorm in the university, the car's headlights, the opening doors, she was remembering everything now. They were not kidnappers, they were her friends. Sila,  Saba and Saba's brother Shaheer. She was just saved from being fainted but she was badly effected by cold then, they turned on the car's heating system for her and came all the way to drop her home, the driv

No I am not sad but this sadness prevailing around In the days and in the nights Is slowly enveloping me Like a thick fog

At one moment You are so close While at others We belong to a different universe Where stars are separate And the moon too And air that I breath Would never cross thee And dreams that you see Are farthest from me And this is the truth That we meant to deny The orbits are different Beyond you and I

کبھی یوں بھی توہو  دریا کا ساحل ہو  پورے چاند  کی رات ہو  اور تم آؤ   

Fasting is much more than avoiding foods and drinks. Its more like meditation. It transcends inner peace and a harmony to the soul that may lead to strengthen your connection with the Creator. A step towards purifying the soul which is so often needed. I never understood why in all religions they have rituals which include fasting and prayers together. It comes naturally. De-bulking the body may make you lighter but purifying the soul may help you re-build your inner connections, be it with your Lord or the fellow humans. Happy Fasting!

If love was a craft I would have worked hard to learn it

At one glance I loved you with a thousand hearts ..... Let the zealots think loving is sinful Never mind Let me burn in the hell fire of sin Elif Shafak The Architect's Apprentice

To find you seems so easy Yet that's the only thing That keeps me wondering That keeps me awaiting

The abstinence decides the value of one's presence Not being there tells you how much being there means And the intensity of the missing factor expresses the intensity of intimate connection

Wish we could walk on the beach with waves touching our feet and hands held together in a lovely weather like tonight.

At a silent hour In the middle of a night When ever I wake up I look for your presence

They were in classroom waiting for the last lecture to begin when suddenly Mawra picked up her bag and moved to leave. Sila looked at her with a quizzical brow. 'Im going. No intention to attend thd lecture' said Mawra 'But why?' Asked sila 'You know my moods' shrugging her shoulders she moved out of the lecture hall All she wanted was to be alone. To spend sometime with herself. The walk from her department to the main university gate was already half an hour long. Usually her driver used to pick her up right outside her department. But she had other plans in mind today. There was this another road leading to the alternative gate of university,mainly used by the faculty members and residents living inside university campus. It was solitary, green and much longer. She took the road to walk alone. The driver was already been instructed to collect her from the alternative gate. It was a silent autumn afternoon. As silent as she was. Inside out. She was w