Silent Whispers - Revisited

Im a perfectionist. I appreciate beauty and goodness  in all forms. I try to make my life and others less miserable, more comfortable and bearable. As much as my efforts can make this world a worth living place, I would keep on striving for that. But lately I have been thinking  a lot about eternity. A temporary stay in this world would then lead to eternity. The ratio of existence of my soul in the next world is far greater than this shorter stay. And I, who look for goodness and beauty all around me, can not imagine a world where there is pain and ugliness and restlessness.  So lately I have been thinking a lot about a beautiful exit from this world. As in a smooth take off leads to a comfortable flight.  Similarly I feel a beautiful peaceful exit from this world InshaAllah may lead to a pleasant stay in the burzakh ( the lengthy stay which exists between both world). This brings me to think about what actually could be a beautiful exit from this world. To me it should be peace.

They don't leave you alone, Like words Uttered in a deep voice, when Resonating through your soul Connects you to another They don't leave you alone, Like memories Every way, each step All the gossips and non sense Each smile, every tear, Seasons pass, days last Yet they never dim, the memories They don't leave you alone, Like autumn With all its vibrancy of colours All those beautiful falling leaves mourn their parting, and yet Re-live in the hope, for A green- reunion They don't leave you alone, Like December Each year as it arrives Rekindles the flames of remembrance And grows stronger with Every whiff of cold wind Reaching to your core They don't leave you alone, Like shadows follow your every move Count your each step Hold breath as you pass Trace you like a map Becomes a part of you And led you to surrender.

In this chilled December night in the hue of un ending flu I woke up in the middle of a night lay still, silent, not moving only the breaths which were coming with slight difficulty, became deep It was a trans phase between dream and reality, where I saw and I felt how , I wonder, after so many years I saw you crossing my path, on a busy street, and held my left wrist, in your right hand, asking me to stop. It was stranger than strange , as I years ago stopped even thinking about you How could then, it be, after ages, I heard your voice, sense your breath,  and felt the warmth of your hands on mine. How could it be?

Did I ever tell you It took me all my energies extreme effort and will power to scrape each profound word you ever wrote on the wall of my being Think I never had a chance to show you how long it was when finally I ran and ran for endless miles to escape the following echoes of your breath-taking voice No I would never let you know I had to nullify my existence In order to forget, what it was the self created fantasy world where we were together, you and I For years and years to come And now in this protected hideout Which I have created to seek refuge your knocks once again to my door are creating tremulous resonance To which, I deny to flow

And I ran and ran and kept on running to stay farther from your profound presence unbeknownst of the fact it was only taking me away from my- own -self

Sometimes there is flooding of so many lost memories. The days which apparently passing by on a regular pace with no emotional interventions, suddenly seemed to be overwhelmed. full of emotional jolts. Only a minor event generates a triggering effect and the chain on emotional roller coaster rides begin.The tears which were being stopped by a bridge of silence , broke down all barriers and began flooding in. That's what happened when I found you so near, once again. and also farther than ever before.

It was not so easy to forget you But time is such a healer And then Bit by bit One by one I started forgetting them The small moments That brought us closer Life had grown into a lake With constant flow of water No rush, no fuss No cheering, no missing Until this night, when I Saw you in my dream.

زرد اداسی کے موسم میں  دھیمی دھیمی  لو میں جلتی  ایڈنبرا  کی ایک رو پہلی شام  ویورلے  کے کنارے  قدیم  سیڑھیوں والے  نارنجی عنابی  پتوں  سے ڈھکے  ہوے  اس یادگاری چوک میں بیٹھے  میں ان بنچوں  میں سے  کسی ایک بنچ پر بیٹھی  وہ یادیں پڑھتی جاتی تھی  جو کسی ہمیشہ کے لیے  بچھڑ  جانے والے کی یاد میں  وہاں نسب کی گئی تھیں  میں نے  وہیں پر بیٹھے بیٹھے  ہر اپنے کو یاد کیا  کبھی جو میرے ساتھ تھے  اور  اب آنکھوں سے بھی اوجھل ہیں  دل کی دنیا میں ایک ایک کر کے  کتنے  دیپ جل اٹھے تھے  آنکھوں کی دہلیز  پر  یاد کا اک اک ستارہ  سانس تھامے ٹھہر گیا تھا  چپکے سے خاموشی سے  تمہارے نام کا ایک دیا  اس بنچ کے اک کونے میں  چھوڑ آئ ہوں  شاید  کبھی ایسا بھی ہو  ویویرلے  کے پاس سے تم   کبھی جو گزرو  سستانے کو اس بنچ پر بیٹھو  اور بچھرے  لوگوں کی فہرست ٹٹولو  میں شاید تب نہ رہوں پر  وہ دیا رہ  جا ے گا  زرد  اداسی کے موسم میں  یاد کا در کھل  جاے گا  گا

Some yellow some orange Some wild shades of green One by one , through the wind These fallen leaves wander The times may be different The path remains the same In this autumnal ambience Your feet, once crossed this way I didn't then but I do know now As I still remember watching Glimpse of this gloomy season Reflecting In your eyes

لفظ سے بڑا رشتہ اور  کیا ہوگا پلٹ کر سوچوں تو  یاد آتا ہے اب  کیوں تم نے  ہر لفظ سے منہ موڑ لیا تھا  لفظ ہوتے تو ربط ہوتا  تمہارے اور میرے درمیان  جذبوں کا کوئی تسلسل ہوتا  اور اب اک خلش کے سوا  ہم میں کوئی ربط ہی نہیں 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AtpC4MGdrs پھول جو بند ہیں پنوں میں تم   اس کو دھول بنا دینا   بات چھرے   جو میری کہیں تم اس کو بھول بتا دینا  لیکن وہ بھول بھی  ہو ایسی جس سے  بیزار نہیں  تو جو سوے تو میری طرح اک پل کو بھی قرار  نہیں 

"So quiet?" , as if she could hear him whispering.   The night was exceptionally quiet at this beach side restaurant, although there were many families around.There was no moon, just a few twinkling stars here and there in the sky.The waves of the summer sea were surging higher, coming and pushing against the rocky boundary underlying this famous beach restaurant. There wasn't much brightness, just enough light to recognize people nearby, and Maawra was happy as it matched perfectly to her gloomy mood.   And even though she was alone standing by the wooden railing , looking over the vast expense of sea, she knew sub consciously that he was somewhere there, somewhere near her, hovering over her presence with his exceptionally tall stature,looking and observing, as if knowing exactly whats going inside her mind.   "So quiet?" , She could hear him again. Probably she wasn't imagining him , probably he was really there, next

Even though We know A mug of steaming coffee Past midnight  Would cost one nights sleep Yet the desire of having it Supersedes all resistance Not so unfamiliar  Is the feeling of being with a perfect stranger  Knowing it may cost us Sleep, concentration, smiles Contentment and delight Yet one submits to this fancy To seek the unknown 

Nothing will take away this ache Nothing!

The world may be temporary The pains are naught When in the rotation of Day after the night Sun following the moon Rivers into the ocean Tears following smiles We mistakenly assume They have abandoned us The rotation moves about Night after the day Moon following the sun Ocean into the rivers Smiles following tears When they turn around Captivates once again Bringing on the aches With more fierce impact No they don't leave us The pain merely - hibernates It exists eternally It endures in the rotations It never goes away-

Years ago Meeting you was like Using a slow speed internet Saving each moment Every fragrant evening All starry smiles and  Unshed tears  Each treacherous heartbeat and Trembling fingers  All profound talks and Each silent whisper Slowly and gradually One by one Step by step Downloading it all on hard drive of memory cells Only to recall  When it hit hard again!

I used to seek refuge In the embrace of your memory Whenever there were hard times Whenever a reality hit me hard All I had to do was To close my eyes To shut down the pain And remember your eyes Speaking and comforting me And now when the thoughts of you Have gone past me When I don't even remember The depth of your eyes and The warmth of your embrace I tremble like a lonely feeble leaf Troubled in the whirlwind Falling on unseen land.

شب کے بولتے  سناٹے میں   ہولے ہولےچلنے والی ہوا   ڈھونڈتی پھرتی ہے  ہجر کی گہری دھول میں لپٹی  ایک ادھوری نظم  جانے کتنے ساون بیتے  قطرہ قطرہ   بہنے والی  بوندوں کی جھنکاروں میں  ایک اک مصرع  جوڑ کے ہم نے  ایک نظم پروئی تھی  دکھ سکھ کے قصّے تھے جس میں  ہنسنے کی ملھار بھی تھی  آنسو کے گھلتے ذائقے میں  ہجر کی چبھتی پھانس بھی تھی  اب کے ساون پھر ہے لوٹا  تیرے میرے خواب لیے  شب کے بولتے سناٹے میں  ہولے ہولے چلنے والی ہوا  لفظ ڈھونڈتی پھرتی  ہے  میرا مصرع وہیں رکھا ہے  تم اپنا مصرع بھجوا دو  یاد تو دھول میں لپٹی رہے گی  نظم مکمّل ہو جانے دو  نازش امین  شب کے بولتے سناٹے میں ہولے ہولے ہوا چلی ہے ڈھونڈتی کھوجتی بٹک رہی ہے ہجر کی گہری دھول میں لپٹی  ایک ادھوری نظم جانے کتنے ساون بیتے  قطرہ قطرہ بہنے والی بوندوں کی جھنکاروں میں کوئی ایک اک مصرع جوڑ کے ہم نے نظم میں لفظ پرو ڈالے تھے جس میں تھے دکھ سکھ کے قصّے جس میں تھی ملہار خوشی کی گھلتے آنسو کی آمیزش ہجر کی چبھتی پھانس اب کے ساون پھر لوٹا ہے تیرے میرے خواب لیے شب

On a long road home with undefined paths And unseen trails She walked on With stars in eyes And hopes in skies With dreams and smiles And unmeasured miles She walked on Hopes and desire Ardour and fire One after another  Left her deserted,yet She walked on Passion and pain Devotion and strain All left her then Hopeless and slain, yet she walked on With eyes burning And tender longing One thing remained Her sleepless yearning  And with kindled desires She walked on.

Days move on, nights stand still Like the tiring engine of a moving train It needs to come to a halt to breath in And as she breathes heavily,  they begin to pour in One by one, and then all of them Faces and gestures, words and whispers, Tears and laughter, quarrel and warmth. partings and meetings, hugs and kisses Some depart in silence with longing in eyes Hands unheld  as the automatic door closes Leaving behind that girl, soaked in showers Night brings them on, one after another as The longing remains, and yearning prevails  And the days move on, at a fast pace Like the running engine of a moving train

Was it a dream or Was it you whispered in my ears Was it a mirage or Was it you sitting next to me Was it a fragrant breeze or Was it you passed me by Was it your eyes or Was it me imagining you watching me Was is really you or Was it my delusion of us together Was it a time frame or Was it all beyond the boundaries of space and time?

As we grow old our vision grows alongside our responsibility. Specially as a human who needs to care for the surroundings. The surroundings not only include immediate family and friends but also those to whom we are connected through our daily connections. Time comes when the phases of growing up switched over. We from a learner become learned and then process that learning process forward. Although learning never stops but the process takes its various forms. And when you grow into a learned person, the balance of happiness versus sadness alters. More harsh realities transform you into a silent and sad individual and simultaneously smiles and laughter become less frequent. This is how our developing awareness beat us down.

I imagine a line, a white line, painted on the sand and on the ocean, from me to you. ― Jonathan Safran Foer, Ever “One of the deepest longings of the human soul is to be seen.”  ― John O'Donohue “Your memory feels like home to me. So whenever my mind wanders, it always finds it’s way back to you.”  ― Ranata Suzuki “How sad, he thought, that desire found new objects but did not abate, that when it came to longing there was no end.”  ― Allegra Goodman, The Cookbook Collector

کوئی وعدہ نہیں ہم میں  نہ آپس ميں بہت باتیں  نہ ملنے میں  شوخی نہ آخرِ شب مناجاتیں مگر اِک ان کہی سی ہے جو ہم دونوں سمجھتے ہیں  عجب سی اک خوشی سی ہے جو ہم دونوں سمجھتے ہیں  یہ سارے دلرُبا موسم طلسمی چاندنی راتیں  سُنہرے دھوپ کے موسم یا چُپ کی میٹھی برساتیں سبھی اِک ضد میں رہتے ہیں  مجھے پیہم یہ کہتے ہیں  محبت یُوں نہیں اچھی محبت یُوں نہیں اچھی

کسی  چڑیا کے گیتوں کو کسی تتلی کے بوسے کو کسی گڑیا کے جوتوں اور جرابوں کو کسی لڑکے کے خوابوں کو کسی معصوم فطرت کو کسی کم سن شرارت کو محبت کو کبھی دیمک نہیں کھاتی ! پرانی خانقاہوں پر نئے وعدوں کی رسموں کو جدائی کے جنم دن کو وصالی رت کی راتوں کو بچھڑ جانے کی باتوں کو جدائی کے پرندے کو پرندے کے پروں پر دور تک پھیلے سرابوں کو سرابوں کے کناروں پر کھڑے خاموش برفیلے پہاڑوں کو پہاڑوں سے بڑی تنہائی کے غم کو بڑے غم کی کتابوں کو کتابوں پر ٹپکتےآنسوؤں میں بھیگتی راتوں کے جنگل کو سیہ راتوں میں روشن دن کے خوابوں کو صداقت کے نصابوں کو گھنی نظموں کے جنگل میں  نئے رنگوں کے پھولوں کو نئی خوشبو میں بھیگی مورنی کو رقص کرتے مور کے دکھ کو فنا کے دھوپ زاروں میں خوشی کی برف کے غم کو ذرا سی زندگی کو اور بہت سی موت کو دیمک نہیں کھاتی کبھی دیمک نہیں کھاتی ! (علی محمد فرشی)

May be I just write every single word I wish you would say to me. ~ Tyler Knott Gregson ~

Since I stopped thinking about you Life is better No more restless Ness No more craziness No more extra heartbeats No more thought diversions Since I stopped wondering about you Life is - no more the same There is a season of stillness Everywhere in the inside world No emotional roller coasters There is calm - all around Although this is not me Most of the time But then I'm now fine With my strange self.

کیا ہو رہا ہے ؟ وہ لان میں خاموشی سے بیٹھی آسمان پر دوڑتے بھاگتے بادلوں کو دیکھ رہی تھی  ک داور چلا آیا  اس کی کوشش ہوتی اور یہ عمر کی ہدایت بھی تھی کہ زینیا کو زیادہ تنہا نہ رہنے دیا جاے  آج وہ کچھ دیر کو گھر سے باہر رہا اور اب واپسی پر وہ تنہا دکھائی دے رہی تھی  " کچھ خاص نہیں . تم کہاں تھے؟" "کچھ دوستوں سے ضروری ملنا تھا . اب واپسی میں دن بھی کم ہیں نہ." "تم جا رہے ہو  داور ؟"  وہ بولی تو اس کے لہجے میں ان کہے خدشے تھے  داور  نے آگے بڑھ کے اس کے ہاتھ تھامے  "جانا تو ہے نہ  ہنی . تم بھی چلو نہ میرے ساتھ  "میں؟ نہیں میں کیا کروں گی وہاں. یہاں میری جاب ہے، میری روٹین ہے میں یہ سب چھوڑ نہی سکتی."  "یہ مت کہنا کہ تم نتھیا گلی واپس جو گی." "کیوں نہیں.  میں جوں گی. وہاں کے لوگوں کو میری ضرورت ہے  "اور یہاں اس گھر کے لوگوں کو؟ ان کو بھی تمہاری ضرورت ہے ہنی. مما، ڈیڈی مجھے ہم سب کو  "نہیں یہاں میری ضرورت نہیں ہے. سب کی اپنی زندگی ہے اور سب اس میں خوش ہیں " وہ سنگدلی سے بولی. دور  داور

ٹھنڈ  میں ٹھٹھرتی ایک اور شام تھی جن اپنی بلکونی میں لگے جھولے میں جھولا جھولتے ٹھنڈ  کو اپنی جلد پر محسوس کرتے ہوے  وہ آج کچھ وقت اپنے ساتھ صرف کر رہا تھا  کبھی کبھی اپنے اندر کی سرگوشیوں کو سننے کے لیے چند لمحوں کے لیے رکنا پڑتا ہے  کیوں ک اس تیزی سے بھاگتی  تھکا دینے والی دوڑ کی حامل زندگی میں  اگر وقت نہی نکل پاتا  تو صرف اپنی ذات کے لیے.   اسے کچھ اہم فیصلے کرنے تھے، اور ان فیصلوں سے قبل اسے ادراک کے ان لمحوں کے رو با رو  ہونا تھا جن لمحوں کو گرفت میں لانے کے لیے اسے ایک ٹھہراؤ کی ضرورت تھی  ہسپتال، او پی  ڈی ، شیرل ، والدین، احباب، ، اور آن لائن اکٹھے ہونے والی ڈھیر  سری ضروری ای میل ، ان سب سے چپ چھپا کر، اپنے ساتھ وقت  گزارنے  کی لیے وہ اپنے فلیٹ کی بالکونی میں لگے جھولے پر آ بیٹھا تھا . فون کہیں دور پیرا تھا  آج اس نے ہر توجہ کھینچ لینے والی شے سے پیچھا چھڑایا ہوا تھا.  اور یہی شاید ایک غلط فہمی تھی  ایک شدید توجہ کھینچ لینے والی ہستی یہاں تلک اس کے ساتھ چلی آئ تھی  یوں بھی اسے  جو فیصلے کر لین ے تھے ان کا ربط کہیں نہ کہیں جا کر زینیا شاہ سے ملتا تھا.  آج

I dunno why but this time around sehri has been a thoughtful and creative fragment all over the month. Another blessing of Ramzan.

شام  گہری  ہو رہی تھی  وہ دھند میں ڈھکے جنگل میں اپنا واپسی کا رستہ بھول چکی تھی  بھٹک رہی تھی  جیسے کوئی بے چین روح  اندھیرا پھیل  رہا تھا اور وہ خوف زدہ تھی  بے آواز سی صدا میں جیسے اس نے  مدد کے لیے کسی کو  پکارا تھا پتوں کی چڑ چڑ آہٹ پر اس کی سانس تھم  گئی  کوئی پاس  ہی تھا  کوئی اس کا پیچھا کر رہا تھا  دھند میں  ڈھکے ہوے  جنگل کی اس گہری  ہوتی شام میں Sometimes reading your own writings can take you back in a   zone of  emotional nostalgia 

Something is pulling me back Towards - words My long-lost companion Words which helped me heal Words which when deserted me, left me shredded Words which I need to pull me together In this zone of polluted loneliness I wait for sacred feelings entwined with words

It's true Some change of routines Some days and nights Take you back into The world of forbidden moments And then you come to know A part of you Was left behind there

یہ جو تم ! مجھ سے گریزاں ہو ! میری بات سنو ! ہم اسی چھوٹی سی دنیا کے ، کسی رستے پر  اتفاقا" ، کبھی بھولے سے ، کہیں مل جائیں ! کیا ہی اچھا ہو ! کہ ہم دوسرے لوگوں کی طرح  کچھ تکلف سے سہی ! ٹہر کہ کچھ بات کریں ! اور اس عرصہء اخلاق و مروت میں ، کبھی  ایک پل کے لئیے ، وہ ساعت نازک ، آ جاۓ ! ناخن لفظ ، کسی یاد کے زخموں کو چھوۓ ! ایک جھجھکتا ہوا جملہ ، کوئی دکھ دے جاۓ ! کون جانے گا ؟ کہ ہم دونوں پہ ، کیا بیتی ہے ؟  اس خامشی کے اندھیروں سے ، نکل آئیں ، چلو ! کسی سلگتے ہوۓ لہجے سے ، چراغاں کر لیں ! چن لیں ! پھولوں کی طرح ، ہم بھی ! متاع الفاظ  اپنے اجڑے ہوۓ دامن کو ، گلستاں کر لیں ! دولت درد ، بڑی چیز ہے ! اقرار کرو ! نعمت غم ، بڑی نعمت ہے ، یہ اظہار کرو ! لفظ ، پیماں بھی ! اقرار بھی ! اظہار بھی ہیں ! طاقت صبر ، اگر ہو ! تو یہ ، غم خوار بھی ہیں ! ہاتھ خالی ہوں ! تو یہ جنس گراں بار ، بھی ہیں ! پاس کوئی بھی نہ ہو ، پھر تو یہ ، دلدار بھی ہیں  یہ جو تم ! مجھ سے گریزاں ہو ! میری بات سنو ! یہ جو تم ! مجھ سے گریزاں ہو ! میری بات سنو ۔۔۔!!!  زہرہ نگاہ

Some relationships exist on rules and regulations Similar to paper work and documents in government offices They enforce the participants (usually the one who is on the obeying side) to obey, follow, and do as directed. In return they sometime grant them a smile or a gentle tone. Which is something not coming easily. Feelings, care, love are unheard of. Sometimes it's more like a servant master relationship. Till the day you fulfill all demands, finish your required work on time, everything is smooth And the day something remains undone, you will be cursed. Sometimes these kind of relationships are akin to slavery. Where feelings don't exist relations die a silent death. And it happens so often that the pain of the loss really emerges and one needs to cry Cry not out of suffering but suffocation Crying not for the death of a relationship but at the waste of feelings and emotions Some people are made of stone They are so rock like that they may crush their partner

At the end of the day The day which was tiresome And never ending When my back hits the bed My eyes as they flutter in An effort to remain open My mind drifts back to Where it should not!

Seems I never recover Seems those lacerations never heal. They leave marks which becomes  alive often. Seems there is persistent emptiness inside. It resonates Any effort to heal deepens the hole But only for two people who love me endlessly For no reason With all my faults My mother and my daughter If they weren't there I would have shattered to bits. Every day is Mothers day Every day is daughters day too.

And I'm hooked on this one yet again https://soundcloud.com/nomy-nasir/sets/yeh-dil-ko-huwa-kya-hai

You know you are in trouble when you can't figure out What's bothering you What's missing in you What is that you want really and What is it you want to run away from?

Its a disturbingly beautiful moonlit night I am out in search of my sleep

I know Cutting from atmosphere and the habitats in it is not the solution But there are times when we don't want to be with anyone No one I intend to shut myself down for a while May be it would help me understand what is going inside my head and heart

Reading was a late night pleasure In times where there were no you And none of your charming talks Reading it is again, though the charms Have lessened and the pleasure is none Yet it proves how faithful a book could be When compared to ever changing humans

We shall die One by one Bit by bit Sudden or slow Though we don't know But we shall be gone Never to return The world would be Either same or worse it wouldn't matter Except for a few A few who really Ever cared for you This world would go on Even without us The place will be replaced The space will be filled Except for those Who knew you through

Surely I'm better off now Than I was years ago The years when I missed you Yet I felt you nearby Now that I'm more of a loner with you Nowhere in sight I sometime miss My bright side Where the twinkling In my eyes and The glow of my skin Was a reflection Of You

In the irregular path of life there comes a time when have been through so much that a threshold arises. After which the flow of emotions is washed away. Nothing matters, nothing bothers, nothing bubbles up the feelings, nothing stirs the strings of the heart. This phase might be transient but it has deeper impact. It might lead to the old path where one goes back to being old self or worse still, it may transforms you into a new being which breaks the chain of past connections only to kick off a new beginning. 

Nothing helps Nothing heals Neither a good book Nor a huge movie No busy schedule No serious business We keep on looking In every remote corner To seek refuge But sometimes Nothing helps Nothing heals

Stories of lost love survive forever But that had to be love With it's truth, intensity and depth Stories of infatuation are lost Because there exists no love There is only soon-ending desire  Stories of assumption exist too With all its uncertainty  For there is no love in between There are only assumptions

Sometimes we move ahead in time Along a path which has some stopovers Sometimes the pause is short yet deep Sometimes it's just too quick to remember And from an elevation where we climbed When we look down below the taken path A strange feeling arises Was that the stop over, really? Was it really myself? Was it a reality? Was it not a dream? The path smiles knowingly This too shall pass

There was no reason For me to stop you From going away There was no reason For me to think of you Through nights and days There was no reason For you to move away Never to return back There was no reason For you to take away My words, my wishes And though I didn't ask You to stay Nor do you Intend to return Send me back My words My wishes My waiting.

And when I saw him yesterday In a strange city Among so many strangers He stood out Because he Resembled you

The time I spent with you Was the time I spent with myself It wasn't only you I was being with It was as if I was exploring my core And now neither of it remains Not you , Nor I, not the time And the the mirror waits on For that one reflection Which witnessed us together

The wind today Sounds so shattered Feels so deserted Seems so disoriented I could hear the echoes Of  my wandering soul I could see the reflection Of my saddening core

Dear Myself I have been missing you, the cheery, lively, ready-to-do, music-and-art-loving, author and poetic self lately. And it has been ages I'm waiting for your return. Love Me.

وقت کچھ یوں دوڑ رہا ہے کہ آہٹ  بھی نہیں ہونے پاتی  کچھ لمحے جو گرفت میں لینا چاہیں بھی تو  ہاتھوں کی انگلیوں کی پوروں سے چھن  کر  پھسلتے چلے جاتے ہیں   بند مٹھی  کھولیں تو  چند بے نام ذرے  چند کم مائیگی  کا احساس دلانے والے  چپ چاپ  لمحے  ہتھیلی کی فصیلوں پر  سانس لیتے ، جیتے جاگتے  جھلملاتے ، دکھائی  دیتے ہیں  اور ان چند سانس لیتے  بے نام لمحوں کو  کچھ دیر اور سنبھال رکھنے کو  ہم مٹھی پھر سے بند کر لیتے ہیں  نازش امین 

When we grow old our pains grow bigger too. And at times expressing them as violently as they are being felt, can deepens the pain. When every factor is an aggravating factor and there is no hope of consolation It's better to be brave and face them single handedly. Only sometimes, we can not.

The clock ticks time moves on the day runs evening pass on The work progresses people go on All the characters display their acts descend from stage dissolve in space And yet I am still watching them unmoved, unfeeling enveloped by stillness

Where were you when I was burned and broken While the days slipped by from my window watching And where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless 'Cause the things you say and the things you do surround me While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words Dying to believe in what you heard I was staring straight into the shining sun Lost in thought and lost in time While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted Outside the rain fell dark and slow While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime I took a heavenly ride through our silence I knew the moment had arrived For killing the past and coming back to life I took a heavenly ride through our silence I knew the waiting had begun And headed straight ...into the shining sun

Anticipation can take you to heights and lows. That I knew already and yet still it is an altogether different feelings each time. In early January with the beginning of 2017 I received a text from M.Atif Farid that I should be ready to organise yet another event in early February during Karachi Literature Festival dates. Since it was strongly expected that Sir Tarar would be in town during those dates. As usual I was on a tight schedule. 18th January was the date for an important conference presentation and I had no time to work on this task. The day this conference was over , Atif bhai reminded me to lead the event which was in pipeline since December. From 19th January to 12th Feb was a short duration to arrange everything. But there was no chance of denying and running away. A person like myself who always is happy in functioning from behind the scenes, was supposed to be quite uncomfortable coming to the front and lead. In all previous events I kept a low profile. But since 2013

https://soundcloud.com/ayiza-gilani/ost-saheliyan-jaanan-sajjad-ali Non stop today دل  کی کیا بات کریں دل تو ہے ناداں جاناں  

I feel  left behind disconnected missed out when it comes to  keep up the pace with this world The world which is deceiving irrational illogical and fake. And in the made-up world I want to exist my natural existence.

Some dates are not extraordinary Only that writing down them Makes the pen shiver a bit Enough to knock at the memory gates

https://youtu.be/xcRhNy-6iok In this rain on A chilled winter eve Listening live to An ametuer singing Sad tunes of hariharan What more could be Heart tendering? https://youtu.be/xcRhNy-6iok

Let it rain as beautifully as it does Let it take away the dust which it holds and the way it flows on the glass windows akin to the pain running down my veins long after it has broken down the chains let it rain let it rain *First winter rain in Karachi. 13-01-2017*